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Being the mother of three children I always knew the point would come when I would have to explain sex to each of them. As parents we share the view that we want our children to remain children as long as possible and as such retain their innocence - sex is very definitely part of that. Whilst it is important for them to understand and be aware of themselves and any feelings and physical changes they may be having, there is a time and a place for this part of their education. Not all children develop at the same pace and that must be taken into consideration when deciding just when is best to have that conversation with them. I remember vividly when I was about thirteen and doing the washing up with my elder brother who decided it was his duty to inform and educate (and embarrass!) his little sister, as he explained in graphic detail the whole process. I can remember blushing and desperately wishing I was anywhere else but there, and I certainly can't recall hearing more than a handful of the words he used to describe it and after that evening sex was certainly the last thing on my mind, and I was totally confused. I certainly did not want my own children to hear it in any other way than properly explained with as little embarrassment as possible preferably from me, with support from school as sex education is now very much on the curriculum. But the big issue is deciding when is the right time to take this big step too young and they won't understand and too old leaves them exposed to the possibility of unsafe experimenting.

Schools now include sex education for 10 and 11 year olds
as they reach the end of their primary education and are ready to move on to the next stage. The boys and girls are separated and each group watches an appropriate video which describes with the correct terminology how their bodies will change and how to deal with all the new feelings and desires they will inevitably feel. It is all done in such a way that they are able to ask questions without fear of embarrassment and the most beneficial thing is that they all learn the information at the same time. They will probably go into the playground and talk and dissect the information with their peers, and they may even laugh at some of the images they have seen but at least together they will be able to process the information they have been given. It is at this point where the support of parents is vital in order to ensure they are comfortable with what they have been told, and that they ask all the questions they need to.

Let your children know that they can always come to you for clarification on any issue no matter how difficult. If you have a child that is particularly uncomfortable then suggest that they may like to write down any questions they feel too embarrassed to ask. If there are elder siblings please ask them to not interfere, and confuse them by talking about sex using inappropriate words they will learn all these as they grow up but it is vital that they know from the start the correct names/terminology for everything. Elder siblings need to appreciate that sex education is not a joke and certainly not an opportunity to wind up their younger brothers and sisters! Don't expect all questions to come at once, all children differ in the way they process information, but just remember to be gentle with them and let them move at their own pace. Finally remember that there are some fantastic books available which will help you to explain things as well as providing a reference point for them.

This is a pivotal moment in their life journey so take the time to prepare for it and just be there to support them in any way they need you to.

Learn more about this author, Noleen Wyatt-Jones.
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