by Rosannie Murillo

Created on: October 29, 2008

As a teenager, dating can be pretty stressful by itself, especially for us girls who wonder and worry all the time about our boyfriend's thoughts and feelings towards us. Unfortunately, some of us worry even more when a scary element comes into play in our relationship: violence. Sometimes, this element sneaks up on us when we least expect it and in worst-case scenarios, we may not even notice it or simply ignore it until it's too late.

Dating violence many times may start as innocent fun such as teasing or name calling. Doing this once in a while can be okay when it is only "innocent fun". But the real problem starts when it starts being not so much fun anymore and be more serious, leading many times to physical assault. When this happens, more likely than not we ask ourselves why it happened, if we were to blame for getting attacked, or simply an accident that got out of hand and also more times than not, our partner will apologize and swear it will never happen again and thus inducing us to forgive them. But after a while, it happens again and continues to do so until we find a way to stop it.

Physical abuse is not the only way a teenager can confront violence inside their relationship, emotional and verbal abuse can happen too and ironically it can be the one that harms a person the most. Most teenagers can perform or receive this type of abuse through constant lies, broken promises, lack of affection, extreme jealousy issues, insults, threats and control. Because of our feelings for our partner, we may be ignorant to confront what is really happening to us and rather say "That's just the way he shows he loves me".

Sexual abuse is also very common between dating couples. Believe it or not, even if you are dating someone, you are still allowed to say no to sex, and if your partner does not listen, he's doing what is called "date rape". But this type of abuse also includes any unwanted sexual advance, even unwanted kissing can be considered sexual abuse.

But, what really causes all these behaviors to form? There isn't really an only cause, but rather many. Some of them may include lack of self-esteem pushing that person to control their partner and make them feel bad thus making them feel better, drug or alcohol abuse, being a victim of abuse themselves earlier in their childhood, the need of control, among other things. But no matter what the cause is, the best to do in an abusive relationship is to find help as soon as possible because what many teens may not realize is the potential danger they can put themselves if they don't get out soon enough. Sure, it's easier said than done being afraid of what might happen to us if we do, but if we don't we are exposing ourselves to many effects to our body and mind such as alcohol or drug use, lack of social skills, low self-esteem, fear, depression, anxiety, shame and other things that in the long run at its worst can end in suicide. Because dating someone is never worth getting hurt or feeling afraid.

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