by DM Zwack

Created on: October 29, 2008

Reactions to interracial couples in the United States may vary a great deal based on a number of contributory factors, most notably geographic considerations. There are certainly portions of the country where interracial relationships are fairly commonplace and others where they are rare. Unfortunately, there does not seem to be a study of any kind that reveals, or even speculates, where interracial couples are most accepted and where they struggle. Instinctively, it is tempting to guess that urban areas are easier on mixed race couples than small towns and the North is more bearable than the South, but such an assertion is based more on historical data than nascent scientific research.

The idea that interracial relationships prove more difficult in small communities than in large ones is not merely because small town dwellers are more likely to harbor prejudice, though that claim is not altogether unfounded. It is also simply a matter of numbers; in other words, since there are fewer people to start with, the odds of the spotlight falling on the mixed couple, which probably stands out in the first place, increase. By contrast, not all city dwellers are accepting and open-minded, but there is almost no practical method of locating and gawking at every single couple that has crossed ethnic boundaries.

Based on my personal experiences-and I have been in interracial relationships before-it seems interracial couples have gained fairly wide acceptance on a superficial level. To be precise, if you do get stares, they tend to be discreet, and almost no one is impertinent or bold enough to confront you about your dating choices. Most people are politely indifferent, some are exceedingly nice, and anyone who might object is difficult to read in a public forum. I've only ever gotten one blatant and obvious disapproving stare while on a mixed race date and that was, sorry to say, in a small town (I speak here only of my domestic experiences; I also traveled to South Africa in the mid to late 1990s and there the situation was entirely different-hostile!-but that is another story). Of course, this is merely one person's statement. Many other interracial couples may rightly describe direct animosity from strangers. I was simply fortunate enough not to encounter that much.

The deeper problem of acceptance when it comes to interracial relationships involves the family and friends of the key players. When members of different racial groups choose to marry and have children, the likelihood of strain rises. It is, again, a numbers game. The more permanent a mixed race affair becomes, the more people are exposed to it and not all of them are certain to embrace the union. Somebody somewhere may well object, either tacitly or otherwise. Actually, objections by someone, whether a friend or relative, are quite likely even in same race relationships, but when the objections are raised on racial grounds, the tension can be even greater.

We hear a lot these days about "tolerance." Though perhaps the word has become a bit overused, it is an apt one for all those eager to condemn interracial romance. No one can force you to embrace something if you don't want to, but the world need not conform to all of your ideas either. If you find yourself unable to accept and love your friend or relative's new bride or groom or his or her biracial children, you should bring yourself to at least tolerate. Because if you cannot manage that, you will be doing harm to a fair number of people, yourself included.

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