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Humor: A comical view of telemarketing

by Brian Williams

Created on: October 29, 2008   Last Updated: December 03, 2011

The telemarketer has a bad rap, a little. Since the telephone's invention, trillions of people have enjoyed the ability to "reach out, reach out and touch someone", until the Telemarketer was created. Corporate America was so determined to get "feedback", they thought that calling people at their home would be a booming industry. Only the boom that you hear might be from someone's shotgun! Truthfully, the telemarketer is the new form of administrative assistant.

The telemarketer is like a ghost, you can't see them, you can't get to them, and you know that they are there! As a "call center agent" or telemarketer, I have called for corporations like BMW, Bentley Motors, Nautilus, and even Graco children's products. I call for Apple now. These corporations only want your feedback in regards of your satisfaction, simply. I know what your thinking, "If I had a problem, I would call you", but that's not how it works. For every survey that you participate in, the call center gets money. In most cases $5 per survey. Big deal? Well, if there are one million records in the dialer, you do the math! There is big money in this industry! This is the primary reason, why people are called so often, just to get those records! It may sound selfish, but look at from the corporations, and the call centers side of it, it's just simply cheaper to hire call center to "represent" their company and would not have to pay let say $15-20 per hour to hire people themselves. The call center, may already have several hundred people employed at minimum wage, which would save an enormous amount in payroll taxes alone.

The funniest thing about telemarketers is not is not them at all, it's the people they call. Patrons go out of their way to hang up on a telemarketer. They yell at the top of their voice at telemarketers, they tell them to "take a long walk down a short pier", and even leave practical jokes in their answering machines by answering "hello? hello? Oh I'm sorry, I'm not available, please leave a message", I'm telling you, they live for that!

The coolest thing about a telemarketer, is that it is the most laid back, well paying job you will ever do. Now don't get me wrong, a Telemarketer handles at least 80 phone calls a day, when it's slow. I have handled 120 phone calls in a day! A good telemarketer drinks water and not soda, not even juice, because it can dry out your voice. Chap-stick comes in handy as you lips will chap. However, the paycheck is stellar! Most call centers will allow you to collect overtime on your paycheck, I have worked 100 hours in a pay period at $8 an hour! Now I am making $10 an hour, you do the math! Benefit packages are very good, plus, you get to legally represent a Fortune 500 company, I am very proud to say that I have represented the companies like Bentley Motors and the other companies I mentioned earlier.

In conclusion, a telemarketer is very necessary. Say what you will about them, these people have to document word for word what people are saying to them, their spelling has to be at a collegiate level, typing speed is not a must, but they must be computer literate. Without these skills, the corporations would have a tough time keeping report-ire with their customers. The automotive industry would have a tough time keeping up with their dealerships. Computer companies couldn't provide technical support for their electronic products. Restaurants would never know if they really provide great, not just good, customer service. Now call centers bring a new meaning to the word persistent, but it's the corporations that insist on the feed back. So try not to be too hard on these agents, they're really just trying to do their job.

Learn more about this author, Brian Williams.
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