by Nick Osaada

Created on: October 28, 2008

There is a well-known women's saying: "I always wanted to date a sensitive guy, but I've discovered that all of the world's sensitive guys are already dating each other." It certainly seems to be well on par with society's fixation upon the brutal nature of males. Contemporary music and movies say it better than cute aphorisms ever could: if a male is sensitive and solicitous, he is either gay or just plain soft. The problem is that this is untrue, and today's teenagers suffer for the deception.

Teen culture in particular is often depicted as a haze of indiscriminate sex, drugs, alcohol, vandalism and other self-destructive behaviors. At the peak of one's life, where one can accomplish the most, society preaches that to be scholastically inclined and emotionally stable is a disgrace to the male sex. It should come as no surprise to anyone that this is a developmental falsehood. Beneath all the bravado and indifference that characterizes the teenage boy, adolescents crave acceptance in the adult world and their parents' pride. They feel more acutely than any other; the colors and passions of the world are more vivid than they've ever been or ever will be.

How, then, does one reconcile the truth of adolescence with the image of it? How can one teach their teenage boy that feeling and sensitivity is okay?

Objectivity. Teenagers must be taught to look at their actions from the outside and to imagine what they would think of someone ELSE doing what they're doing. Have them picture themselves as the victim-not the performer-of insensitive behavior. Teach them to imagine someone or something they care for suffering under another's callousness and selfishness. Teens of either sex tend to distance themselves from their actions and from the people they affect; this can be changed by compelling them to face the humanization of those they hurt; the mothers, fathers, teachers, friends and ordinary citizens affected by their insensitivity. If they cannot run from it, the naturally heightened sensitivity of the adolescent will win out. Yes, especially males.

Your boy will learn that emotion (other than macho rage) is acceptable to express, and that people should be treated with sensitivity and respect. Do not expect that he will suddenly decide to hug you and express his feelings, but I daresay you will know that those feelings are there.

Remember not to be deceived or intimidated by a gruff exterior. Teenage boys feel a lot more acutely than Hollywood may want them to believe, and we owe it to them to help them realize that there's nothing wrong with that.

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