by Chantel Rhodes

Created on: October 28, 2008   Last Updated: November 02, 2008

Sex is a sensitive subject and one that can be emotionally charged. Talking with your preteen about his or her anatomy and the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of sex is essential for healthy attitudes and experiences. Not only should kids learn about themselves with regard to sexual development, but also about developmental issues (probably in less detail) for the opposite sex.

Before you approach the subject, be prepared with adequate information. Identify the information you consider most important. What does sex mean to you? How do you want your children to view sex as they get older? Most parents want this to be positive, so it's important to beat TV and movies to the punch, since so much of sex in the media is unrealistic, often violent and not intended as an informational resource.

Preteens often receive maturation information through schools in fifth or sixth grade. This provides an excellent opportunity for parents to discuss aspects of growing up that have been touched on in this program. You may want to provide more or alternate information, including your personal values and anticipating the needs of your child, since these education programs use a general approach that may not be as effective for your child or for your child's situation.

It's important to be practical, too. Often, parents talk over their kids' heads without intending to or without realizing it. Try to think like a kid. Include an activity to break the ice. Does your daughter like ice skating, tennis, shopping or baking? Do something together to dilute the conversation - so it doesn't seem as serious as getting in trouble. If it's something you can do while talking, combine discussion with activity. If it's more active (most athletic activities), save the conversation for afterward. It's best to schedule a time without distractions from younger or older siblings, phone calls or other possible interruptors.

Using correct terminology is also important right from the beginning. A young father I know used the term "weenie" rather than penis when teaching his toddler to use the potty. Imagine the poor 2-year-old boy's reaction when, in a hurry, his dad told him to "just eat your weenie (hot dog) so we can go." The little guy's face turned pale and he wouldn't eat another bite. Ironically, both this toddler's parents were registered nurses by profession. Not only does using appropriate terms clarify exactly what you mean, it also gives the impression there's nothing wrong with using correct terms. If these are dusted off and used only in the context of "sex education," the topic may seem more awkward or the terms somehow taboo.

Being straightforward and honest is always the best policy, even though it may be difficult. Discussing sex can be especially difficult if the parent or parents have had any negative experirence in the past and have unresolved issues regarding it. Receiving some personal counseling before approaching the subject with your preteen may be desirable to avoid giving a negative impression of normal changes and feelings.

Anticipating discussions of sex with your son or daughter is usually more stressful than acutally just diving in and getting it done. You may stumble and say things differently than you intended. But relax and enjoy spending some time with your son or daughter. They, like you, only go through puberty once. There's a first time for everything only once. Making it all count is definitely worth the time it takes to talk it over with your kids.

Learn more about this author, Chantel Rhodes.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.