by Jimmy Ettele

Created on: October 28, 2008

We know of the church's insistence on ankle locking our children into their seats at church at a very early age. Done early, as children are rare to offer interrogating questioning in regards to the authenticity of the established set of dogmas being force fed to them, the church begins their assimilation. Within a few years, and before puberty's hormone monsoon washes over a young teen, the church hopes to have the brain turned over to the grace of the lord. In recent years however, the flock of teenagers hovering around the pews of a congregation has thinned faster than Oprah Winfrey over a purge weekend. So what role, in this increasingly secular society does religion fit in with a teen's life?

While it would be unfair to categorize every teen as a heretical vessel of sin spreading the evils of godless living, it is these pillars of secular living I am devoting my time and attention towards. Besides we know all about Christian teenagers. They are the ones that sign Virginity Pacts and wear chastity belts made from bits of the Spear of Destiny. The same teenagers signing these "contracts" are more inclined to engage in oral or anal sex by the way. They attend church every Sunday and typically have fainting spells during the rousing sermon, have Amy Grant programmed on the iPods, and probably are not as likely to be placed into such egregious stereotypes as I have lumped them. Point being...they are extremely boring. So bring on the godless demons!

In today's world, religion's role for most teens is surely to be the place their parents order them to one Sunday a month or at least for the Superbowl and World Series of a church's year, Easter and Christmas. The role of Jesus and his wandering band of Apostles plays about as well as that mixed tape of your favorite 80's songs you found under your driver's seat after twelve years of being lost. Teenagers heed the voices found only in their own heads, from their BFF's, peer pressure, blogs, or their rampaging hormones. Believing you would be able to wedge religion into an already crowded and confused psyche would be like believing certain people can rise after being crucified.

While Jesus feeding 5000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish is inspiring to some, to most teens, being able to do the Guns 'n' Roses guitar riff on Guitar Hero 3 resonates louder. Getting their driver's license and being able to keep it longer than the six weeks their best friend had it before an unfortunate public drunkenness rap

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