by Lee Marks

Created on: October 28, 2008

From what I have seen and heard from other couples, most people tend to think arguing is a very bad thing and to avoid it at all costs. This is the wrong way to look at it, arguing can be very healthy for a relationship as long as it is done in moderation and is constructive.

I have always thought of arguing as a positive communication tool more then it is anything negative. Granted there are often parts of an argument that are negative, but this is acceptable as long as it doesn't get out of hand and the ultimate goal is to resolve a difference and move on. That is what arguing should always lead to, peaceful resolution, if this is kept in mind at all times it will help to keep things from getting unfriendly.

A lot of people will agree that in love and relationships it's the little things that matter most. Something to the same effect can be said about arguments, arguing over little things as they arise keep them from ever becoming a big problem, where arguments can get much more tricky. If you hold something in about your significant other that really bothers you, it's going to build up until you eventually explode, which will cause more of a fight then an argument.

Arguing is a useful communication tool, but like any tool you need to know how to use it properly to make it work right. When something needs to be said, it should not be said immediately without putting any thought into it. One of the most important things to remember when arguing is that if it starts out hostile, it will usually keep going in that direction. Thoughts always need to be composed before initially saying anything and they need to be said calmly and coolly, yet factually and sternly.

A couple could have 30 arguments a day, usually over very simple things, but are still very happy and content with each other and their relationship. Another couple may rarely argue, which could very well mean they aren't really communicating at all and have a lot of resentment and hostility built up that they never release properly, so they generally are not happy with each other. If they had just brought things out into the open when they surfaced and dealt with them properly rather then avoiding confrontation, they could be much happier, at the very least not as apprehensive towards each other.

No one can tell you an exact formula or secret to making arguing work, but if you keep a few key points to remember in mind, they could help you greatly: Don't hesitate to bring something out into the open if it is bothering you. Always think before you speak and speak calmly. Listen well and don't try to retaliate, hear the other person out and respond in kind. Above all else don't let things get too heated, keep things civil at all times. Once some kind of resolution has been reached, drop the subject and move on to doing something else.

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