by Kevin Hamilton

Created on: October 28, 2008

I was shuffling through the top drawer of my dresser one Thursday morning. That drawer, being of coarse, the underwear drawer. A place where tighty-whities, boxer-briefs, and a random assortment of socks, merge together in a sea of cotton. It was nearing the end of the week, and items were scarce.

I had completely burned through my supply of clean underwear. As I looked out my window at the six inches of snow that had fallen the night before, I fretted the idea of going commando. There was a squirrel sitting on my porch looking back at me. Judging by the solemn look on his face, Id say his nuts were probably frozen. Not wanting to suffer a similar fate, I dug deeper. Past the tee shirt with chocolate milk stain on the chest. Past the other tee shirt with the chocolate milk stain the chest. And there it was, buried in the deepest, darkest corner of Hanes Heaven. A previously opened package, containing not one, but two pairs of underwear.

Both featured cotton-lined waistbands, and neither had ever been tainted by the touch of human flesh. I pressed them against my face and took a deep breath. Ah yes, nothing beats that new underwear smell. It was practically a gold mine. Two pairs of underwear could last me a week.

When my friends ask me why I don't change my underwear everyday, I say its because of the struggling economy. And when my friends ask me why I don't have a girlfriend, I say mind your own business.

But I was going to get a date today. How could anyone resist me today. Nothing compares to the confidence boost you get from pulling on a pair of fresh ones. The way the waistband snaps back against your body as if to say, "We're in this together baby, I've got you covered." The unmatched support, as if God Himself has his armed wrapped around your waist.

I look to a quote from the movie "Wayne's World". In which Garth explains moving to a new set. He says, "Its like a new pair of underwear. At first, its constrictive, but after awhile, it becomes apart of you."

I can't say I agree with that statement. I see a new pair of underwear like a new mattress. Reliable and supportive at first, but ultimately fading. Sure you can turn them inside out. You can send them through the wash and use as much fabric softener as government regulations would allow. But nothing compares to the first two steps you take through those leg holes. Its not just new underwear, it's a new beginning. A brand new opportunity to walk out your front door, and take on whatever life throws your way.

Just make sure you put your pants on first.

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