by Andrew Freyne

Created on: October 27, 2008   Last Updated: November 06, 2008

What has my life been like up until now? Depressing! Sad! Solitary! I just don't know how I ended up in this state! I suppose I could attribute this to the fact that I was always being looked down upon during my childhood years! I was known as the quiet child, the child that always wandered off alone. Negativity had always played a big part in my life, it's like I could not live without it! I never liked groups and I would always try and hide myself away! What was wrong with this picture? Who had nurtured or programmed me to act like this? I loved my parents but they could not see the error of their ways! Everything was, "You can't do this!" "You'll never do that!" So many negative thoughts. As you can imagine, my life was affected as a result of this mental conditioning. My parents passed away many years back and, until recently, I always suffered with low self-esteem, low self worth! I hated myself and I constantly thought that nothing would come of my life! How was I going to push forward in this world? Where would I gain the strength to fight? How would I cope with the constant challenge of living?

My mind was in turmoil! Depression had gained a foothold! I was on anti-depressants and I felt tired as well as weak! I was seeking answers, I was seeking them desperately. My breathing was becoming laboured; my shirt would be drenched in sweat! I was always gazing at the ground. I didn't feel comfortable in crowds, I always had the feeling that I was being watched or monitored. I had reached an all time low and I couldn't take it anymore. I think that I still had enough strength to make a sound decision. I was of sound mind but, I had to take some kind of action. Would I remain sane forever? I didn't think so! I was worried that I would end up going crazy! I had to do something now if I was to survive and move forward. I'd heard about those so called self-help books. I'd seen infomercials on tv, some of them quite inspirational, but that feeling only lasted a moment! Once the advert was over, I returned to my former state, that moment of inspiration gone! But, perhaps there was hope yet! I was watching the box one day and I was suddenly introduced to these two words: Life Coach! This infomercial was being shown and it was talking about this American Life Coach by the name of Anthony Robbins! Here he was giving it his all, trying to sell his product, a set of coaching tapes or cds as it were. This was some guy and I guess I was hooked for the duration of that

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