by Ronnie Jay

Created on: October 27, 2008

Waiting at the Gates: a Dialogue

SAM: Morning! This chair taken?

BILL: No - help yourself.

SAM: Thanks. Been waiting long?

BILL: No, just a few minutes.

SAM: Quite an intake isn't it! Guess we'll have a long wait.

BILL: Not really; they're moving quite fast actually - not that I've been here before, of course, so can't speak from experience, ha ha. But there are obviously quite a few interviewers on duty.

SAM: Well that's a relief. Never was much good at waitiing my turn.

BILL: Pity. I should think patience would be one of the first qualities they would look for.

SAM: My hard luck, I suppose. So! What brought you here?

BILL: Heart attack. One moment of searing pain and then oblivion. Next thing I knew I was walking along the pathway just as if some unseen hand was leading me until I arrived here. Took the first vacant chair and here I am. You?

SAM: Motor accident. I was hurtling along the N2 at 200 k's per hour to keep a golf appointment when a goat ran into the road. I slammed on brakes and swerved and the car went out of control. Smashed through the barrier, hit a rock and that was it. No one else involved, thank God.

BILL: Yes, that's a mercy. Pity about your mode of demise, though - I doubt whether they will look too kindly on any evidence of irresponsibility.

SAM: Yeah, I see what you mean. Don't suppose you would would rate my chances too highly, generally speaking. Used to swear like a trooper when I got annoyed about anything. Hit the bottle rather badly on occasion and had a serious affair a few years back.

BILL: Hmm yes. I dare say your chances do look rather bleak. For my part, I think I can say - in all modesty, of course - that I can expect to be welcomed with open arms. Never drank, never smoked, never swore. I was a regular churchgoer and paid my tithes religiously - if you will pardon the pun. Oh, dear me! I've just remembered - I did crib my Latin homework once in grade 10. Do you think that will count against me?

SAM: No, I shouldn't think so. Nobody's perfect, after all. You married? Or were you, to be more precise?

BILL: Oh yes. Had 40 years of wedded bliss, with never a thought of infidelity. Not on my part anyway. I'm pretty sure that Mary had a flutter with that beastly George Glover back in '98. Can't imagine why; I'm sure I was always a model husband - good provider, good father, the soul of patience when her mother came to stay, sometimes for two weeks on end ...

SAM: Sex?

BILL: Sex? What about it?

SAM: Well, did you keep her sexually satisfied? I mean

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