It's hard to talk to a preteen about sex, though the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Short term discomfort for the parent is not as important as the long term benefits of a child being informed and ready to greet teen life with a perspective which is healthy. This article is written with the parent in mind and helps them to find the resources and also the courage to take up the subject of sex with their preteen, before sex actually becomes part of their lives.
*Sources of information for the parent.
*Providing information to the preteen.
*Covering all aspects.
*Teaching morality.
*Teaching a child how understand when sex is appropriate.
Sources of information for a parent.
If you are a parent and are against teaching your preteen about sex, this this resource should change your mind. These are facts about the sexual activity of teens and the reality is that the manner in which your teen copes with their first sexual encounter and consequences from that encounter are in your hands. Be informed on all aspects. It is not just a question of birds and bees, but knowing how to explain everything they need to know about sexual activity as an adult.
Providing information to the preteen.
Ask your doctor what information they have available on all aspects of sexual activity for teens. Often there are some good free literature items which can be obtained from professionals about contraception and disease, and these will back up your education of the child. Look also for any information from libraries which will help you and which can supplement your teaching of the child, by giving them reading material to increase their awareness.
Make sure that you have time set aside for talking to your child. If you appear too embarrassed, this also makes them feel very uncomfortable. A child seeks parental advice and will find it strange that there are things you are too embarrassed to cope with. Expect questions, and anticipate them. Above all be honest about the sexual act and what it involves, and also that the child is aware of the consequences, though make this very matter of fact, rather than given as warning. Warnings may alarm the child and make them avoid relationships. Normal talking about things that happen to people every day of their lives, put into a manner which they can understand helps to allay their ignorance of the subject and to go into their adult life with knowledge that many kids don't have simply because their parents find the topic too embarrassing.
It is the parent who discusses nothing with their child that is the most surprised when their child gets pregnant or contracts disease, and if truth were told, had they tackled the problem preteen then the child may have escaped the consequences of their own ignorance on the subject.
Covering all aspects.
A child doesn't just need to know about the physical act of love-making. They also need to be able to distinguish the relevance of virginity, and the emotional side of the act of sex. Many young people go into adult life with no idea of what the norm is. By teaching them from preteen age, you prepare them to keep that sexual activity in relationships which matter, rather than gaining a bad reputation by being casual about their approach.
Teaching morality.
Here, try not to be judgmental. Remember that the child has no idea about the moral issues surrounding sex. They will be too young to realize the significance. Teach them that those people who have sex are either married people or people who love each other and are committed to a long term relationship. Explain about having babies, and tell them that you can't just make a baby disappear because you don't love each other any more. Children need to see the complete picture, though not from a demanding or critical point of view. Their moral fiber depends upon the way you explain it, and if they approach teen life knowing about respect and self-respect, this helps them tremendously to understand.
Teach them to respect others as well as themselves. Boys for example need to know that if they become a dad, it's not a novelty thing and that it means commitment and perhaps has financial implications. Teach boys that girls get a bad reputation if they sleep around. Teach girls to treasure their virginity as something which is a gift to give to the person they choose to love, rather than something they do because everyone else does. Make it light enough to understand and if they want to ask questions, answer them honestly.
*Teaching a child how understand when sex is appropriate.
Many teens face the party scenario where they are confronted with choices. If a teen doesn't know how to react in these circumstances, mistakes happen. Teach the preteen, and what you are doing is preparing your child for life, and teaching them that no matter how delicate the subject is, they can talk to you. Teach them never to be pressured into a relationship and that there is no hurry to be active sexually. The privacy of the sexual act is another important aspect. It's not dirty, and many parents make the mistake of avoidance and this gives the children the impression that sex is taboo.
The less taboo you make the subject, the more informed your child is and the more able they are to face the future with their eyes open, knowing the parameters which are acceptable. You then take away that doubt from their minds before the party happens, making them confident youngsters who are aware of circumstance.
Yes, it's a hard job being a parent, though one of the important parts of parenthood is explanation of things which are not too comfortable. You taught them to go to the toilet. You taught them to clean their teeth and blow their noses. Think of this talk as just another little exercise in making your kids ready for life. Preteens may surprise you and be wonderfully inquisitive, though by making this a topic of open conversation, you will help them to be aware, avoid disease, and to be capable of making up their own minds when the time is right.