by Sarah Prim

Created on: October 27, 2008

There was once a time when I thought that my mother was invincible. When you're a kid, it seems like nothing bad can ever happen to your mom. Now keep that in mind as I tell you about the vicious circle of life and death.

On November 17, 2006, I received the worst phone call of my life. My sister called me to tell me that they had found my 44 year old mother on the floor of her bedroom. There was no breathing, no heart rate. Just like that. Gone. I would never get to see her alive again. My world fell apart. My marriage (luckily) never suffered over this, my husband was wonderful! On the other hand, I didn't know how to deal with it and I was madder than hell. It takes almost six monthes for the coroner to give me the results of the tissue sample reports, so fast forward to early May 2007. I had started feeling really bad. I was so tired, I was depressed and oh so lonely without mom. My husband and I decided that it was time to start over somewhere else. We moved to Indiana and things started out great. There wasn't a reminder of my mom around every corner and life was getting a whole lot better.

In June 2007 I find out that I am pregnant. My world came tumbling down again. My first thought was, "I can't do this on my own." I needed strength that my husband could not provide, the strength of a mother, but she wasn't there. She was gone...forever. All I wanted for eight months was to talk to my mom, to tell her about her grandchild. I wrote her letters and talked to her in the shower, but nothing helped. I talked to my doctor about how I was feeling, she prescribed me Zoloft. "Whatever", I said. "I'm not depressed", but I took it anyway. It helped to dull the pain, even if only a little. Fast forward to January 2008. My doctor send me to labor and delivery at 36 weeks for a c-section. I had never been more scared in my life. Now I have a beautiful nine month old baby boy and thoughts of my mom are just about gone. I realize that my son was a gift from God. He took the place of my mother. Since I am always so busy with my son, I barely have time to think of my mom. When I do, it's for a fleeting moment, then it's gone. Sometimes things seem really bleak, even two years later. Then I look at my son and I realize that there has never been a better feeling.

For every birth there is a death...and vice versa. If you have been in that kind of situation, then you know. My only advice to you is to hang in there. Nothing that anyone says or does will make it any better, you just have to prevail. No matter how bad it may seem, there is a reason for everything.

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