by Lyn Carrier

Created on: October 27, 2008

In this day and age marriage counselling is all the rage whereas in the olden days it was considered shameful and needed to be kept a secret. I believe in any marriage if one of them needs to be "convinced" to go to counselling, then something is definitely wrong. A deep and genuine love for your spouse should be enough for anyone to want to go to counselling to try and save what is sacred to them. Admittedly yes many women and even men do have the fear of being exposed and being represented as a failure of a husband or a wife. Needless to say that any man or woman prepared to do whatever it takes to save their marriage, in my eyes, is an inspiration.

Sit down and talk to your partner about the idea of counselling and if they appear resistant, ask why. Maybe suggesting they go to a counsellor on their own first may enable them to open up a bit more and find the right way of expressing how they feel when it comes to communicating with their partner. This may also take away some of the fear. In terms of going to a counsellor to help your spouse fall in love with you again? I think that is being a bit too hopeful. Counsellors can help you find ways of reconnecting with your partner and offer different ways of communicating and approaching certain subjects, but will not replace a love that has been lost. This takes a lot of work and commitment from both parties and more importantly, the desire to want to make the marriage work.

I suggest even if a counsellor sounds intimidating, to maybe suggest a mediator come to your home so you are in your own environment and are comfortable. One thing to be vigilant about with this is to make sure no children are present, as this would be an issue between two adults and shouldnt involve children. I agree that suggesting marriage counselling shows your partner that you are willing to go the extra mile to make the marriage work. This is such a positive thing to do for your partner.

Make your spouse understand that counselling is not frightening and to think of it merely as a chat between strangers. It is often better talking to someone outside of your social circle to give you a fresh perspective on situations, which could open your eyes and see issues differently or even not as issues at all. Ultimately in any marriage, if the love is still there on both sides and your desire is to be with that person for the rest of your life,then try anything to make it work and fix it, but just make sure it is done for the right reasons, not just because being with this person is habitual for you.

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