by Nanci Arvizu

Created on: October 27, 2008

When you're dealing with a cheating spouse, there are no limits to what they will do to get what they want. Introducing the children to the lover is a way of "planting a seed" in the child's mind that this is "OK"; this other person in mommies' or daddies' life is a nice person. The child could also begin to think of this person as their friend as well.

It also makes it a little easier for the cheating spouse to see their lover without being questioned about their time. They've got the kids with them, so who would suspect anything? But again, we are talking about someone who is selfish and self-centered, and will do anything they need to in order to get what they want.

Finding out that your spouse is cheating is heartbreaking enough. Finding out that your children were also hiding a secret is like adding salt to the wound. And once the children figure out that what they've been involved in was wrong and it hurt their parent, it will cause an innocent child an untold amount of guilt long into their adult lives.

Cheating on a spouse is wrong and cowardly. If you are no longer in love with someone, being honest may be the hardest thing to be. Ending a marriage with grace and dignity seems almost impossible. It is only easier for the spouse that "has someone". The spouse left behind will have the hardest time dealing with the anger, heartache and the question "Why is this happening to me?"

However, unfortunately, rarely does a married person really fall in love with someone else while still married. Usually the affair is begun because of pure lust for attention which tricks people into thinking that they are in love. Rarely does an affair that ends a marriage end up in marriage, or if it does, that marriage ends up in divorce more quickly than the first how can you trust someone who has proven that they are untrustworthy and obviously do not respect the sanctity of marriage?

If the marriage does end in divorce and the new person is brought into the children's lives, there will be anger and trust issues to deal with. Children will resent the new person, who was first introduced as "a friend", but is now being presented as a parental figure. Just because they knew this person before the divorce, and possibly accepted them then, it does not mean that the child will accept them now, beginning to understand that they are why mommy and daddy are not together anymore.

Bringing children into this picture of twisted lies and deceit will only hurt them in the decisions they make as adults in their own relationships, not to mention the damage that is done to the relationship between parent and child.

Learn more about this author, Nanci Arvizu.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.