by Terry Loving

Created on: October 27, 2008

Trying to communicate with someone who lack listening skills is very frustrating. Typically, they only hear what they want to hear. The point that you are trying to make won't matter if it isn't slanted towards the listener's view. What usually happens in this case is the conversation erupts into an argument. If the speaker lacks self-control and patience, he or she will most likely get angry. On the other hand, there are individuals who do not express themselves very well. There are many reasons why people fail to perfect their communication skills. Perhaps some of the following may apply: a lack of education, low self-esteem, negative home training, or arrogance. Effective communication is learned, and the education begins in the home.

Here are some ways that may help someone who is struggling with the art of communication. First, let the other person have their say. If you don't understand something that was said, ask them to explain it another way, or give an example. It won't help to interrupt them while they are speaking, so learn patience, put your hand over your mouth until they are finished speaking if you have to. You have been wronged in some way? Ok, if you start off in anger and use the word "You," a lot, then you aren't really telling the other person how you feel. You are magnifying the blame, but not really telling them how much you hurt. Starting the conversation with "I feel," would be much better.

Setting aside a convenient time to have a chat may also be in order. When a tired spouse comes home after a hard day at work, waiting until he or she is rested may be a better time. If the conversation is vital and must take place soon, if possible, then maybe a good meal and a shower may set the stage for receiving your words.

Body language is another way of speaking without saying a word. Often, your physical responses can dictate how the conversation will flow. If you are showing signs of frustration by frowning, slumping, or turning your back, then most likely the conversation will turn into a debate, angry words, an argument, or worst yet, domestic violence. All in all, respect for the individual and yourself is paramount. You may not be an eloquent speaker, but if you love someone enough to carefully choose your words, it makes all the difference in the world.

If the person you are speaking to is not close to your heart, you can still choose to exhibit self-respect. Cursing may seem to be an effective way of getting your point across, but in the end, you will lose the respect of those whom you are addressing, and may cause harm to others that you cannot repair. It is always best to be the bigger person.

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