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Sex! The forbidden subject. Sex has to be one of the hardest, if not the hardest discussion we have with our children. And more often than not, it's the parent who makes the talk hard. Why? Because they have no idea how to discuss this sensitive subject with their children. Often the parents are so embarrassed, that they pass this feeling on to their child. This only complicates and confuses your preteen child. It makes them wonder, "Is sex bad or dirty?"

Most of the time, preteens are only curious about sex. They've heard rumors about it and insinuations. They don't really understand it or why people, parents included, make such a big deal about it. When your preteen starts asking you questions about sex, it is definitely time to have a serious discussion about it. But don't jump to hasty conclusions. Just because he or she is asking questions, it doesn't mean they are having sex, or even seriously interested in it. They just want to know. It's a normal thing for kids. They start asking questions about everything as soon as they are old enough to talk. So when the times comes for "that talk" with your kids, here are just a few tips to help you manage this often awkward and embarrassing discussion.

First, don't run away from the subject. If your preteen asks you what something is, get a grip, and then try to answer honestly. If it takes you by surprise and you don't know how to answer, tell them that. You can say something like, "I need to think about that and figure out the best way to answer your question. How about we talk about it tonight?" But do talk to them because if you don't, someone else will. It is much better for you to be the one talking to your preteen about sex than their friends or, heaven forbid, someone trying to take advantage of them.

Second, once you decide it's time for the "talk," pick a definite time and place. It may sound crazy, but some people prefer to talk about sensitive issues in the car while they are driving. I believe it is because it gives them an excuse to be looking straight ahead instead of at their child. If you are extremely shy, even with your own kids, this might work for you. If not, pick at place where you can talk without being interrupted by the phone or anyone. The kitchen is an excellent location. You can fix you both a snack, but choose a time when no one else is around.

Third, explain what sex is, using the correct and scientific words for body parts and the sexual act. By using the correct words, you keep the discussion more educational than personal. Explain the importance of not engaging in sex until they are old enough and mature enough to understand what they are doing. Your preteen needs to know that there are some serious consequences related to premature sex.

Last, leave the line of communication open between you and your preteen. Let them ask any questions they may have and answer as honestly as you can. Explain that if they have a question in the future, they can always come to you.

Learn more about this author, Shelia West.
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