by Noleen Wyatt-Jones

Created on: October 26, 2008   Last Updated: May 09, 2009

Music is one aspect of our lives that is totally personal to us as an individual and is very definitely something that other people should not try and influence. It is perfectly acceptable to introduce our teens to different types of music but at the end of the day we cannot make them like it - if it touches their soul then fine but otherwise just accept the fact that we all love different things and that is just how it should be.

We as parents have so many situations when we have to guide our children as to the right and wrong way to speak, act and so on, so is it really realistic, or indeed fair, to attempt to censor what music they listen to? When they are younger it is predominantly our choice of music that they are exposed to and many grow up with a grudging love of the music that we ourselves favour, but just as we did there will come a time when they are exposed to music that they love and most of the time we hate! For me it was 1977 and the discovery of punk music which really started my own personal music journey - it was a form of music full of passion and angst with many expletives but it was raw and of the moment and it captured my heart and soul. Even now the sound of a song by The Clash or The Sex Pistols can transport me back to a time when my biggest worry was how quickly I could save up the money to buy my next record! I really would have resented my parents intrusion into what is essentially a very personal thing and even when they hated my choice of music (which they frequently did!) branding it a "hideous noise which should not be described as music" they still allowed me to choose for myself and for that I will be eternally grateful.

I am now in the position of having three daughters, two of whom are teenagers and like my mother before me I find myself hating some of the music they like but I bite my lip and encourage them to explore and enjoy the music that is around them and to be proud of what they like. I know that there are some groups that they love with a passion now but in years to come they will find embarrassing - The Spice Girls are a prime example of a group my eldest daughter idolised with a passion and now looks back at with embarrassment. My middle daughter is currently favouring the Jonas Brothers but I know that in a couple of years the mere mention of their name will make her cringe!

Music is one wonderful way of allowing our children to assert their independence and to start expanding the boundaries of their own lives. It marks them out as individuals and not yet another clone and we should celebrate that rather than try to enforce our own judgments and tastes on them! Even as parents we have no right to tell our children what to like and what not to like if we want them to grow up as well rounded and confident individuals. If they are not allowed to choose what music to listen to then how in the future will they be able to make any decisions at all?

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