by The Old Farmer

Created on: October 26, 2008

How To Survive Bean Soup

Self preservation by vigorous participation, approaching as a contest with a wide open playing field and being victorious.

With many ways to survive, I am setting down a fundamental precept that I use with great success. This discourse will lay out the basics in which you can approach each situation with confidence. These techniques and profiles can be used with other dishes as well as bean soup. Be creative. The area where the food is consumed is hereby known as the "Playing Field", those eating hereby known as the "Players". Those choosing not to participate in the match, hereby known as "Free Airers", will be shown respect and allowed sufficient time to leave. Any ill wind shown towards Free Airers can lead to disqualification. Free Airers are not allowed to come back on to the playing field once the match starts. Free Airers are forbidden to take parting shots as they leave, or to stand on the side lines to slander any player or players.

Next you must know the players

They come in all sizes and shapes, with various talents and attributes. I will endeavor to lay down the most prevalent of participants, but by no means an exhaustive list.

The Smiler

This player lacks self-confidence and endurance. But on occasions there is power and strength behind the simple smile. This player can sneak up on you. Once you realize what has happened it can be too late, even to cut and run. You need to study this one for anything that resembles a smirk.

The Snicker-er

This player is over blown. He thinks he has created a mountain but in reality just a mole hill. He is all show and no go. Not to be underestimated, but one you can triumph over. He will never invoke, cut and run. Beware if he invokes, rapid release. This can be a match winning strategy, but one usually only used by seasoned professionals.

The Vibratoeus Excretioneus

This player is born with musical talent and believes he is born to entertain. He is an average player unless he has Beethoven syndrome. Which translates into long symphonies and sharp cicadas. This "Virtuoso of Vapor" thinks he is a one man band, but his pride is usually his down fall. He will invoke, cut and run. But return to the playing field with renewed confidence.

Your Second Cousin From Your Mothers Side

Beware; this player is a blood relative that is never found in the family album or videos of said family. He is an awesome competitor and holds all family records with many victories plus several honorable mentions. He is unmatched

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