by Lesha Neace

Created on: October 25, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Living with alcoholism

Living with alcoholism is not something to take lightly, and if you haven't lived with someone that is an alcoholic, you should never judge. I am married to an alcoholic, and yes it is a hard life at times. No it is not always bad, but yes it is very draining. There are times I feel almost numb on the inside, just knowing tomorrow will bring the same thing over again. I am very frank in talking to my husband about the issue. I tell him "you are an alcoholic."

I love my husband very much, and it hurts me, to see him hurting himself, but the kick in the butt is he is not only hurting himself, but he is hurting me. That is a problem with an alcoholic, they can't see as they are hurting anyone else. I have heard him say, "Well it's not your body, and I am not hurting you," but yes he is. The friends, he wants to hang around with has the same problem as him, and he just can't bring himself to understand, I hate to be around those people. It makes me feel as though I am all alone, and there is no one there but me. So yes it hurts!

I have been dealing with this for years now, and sometimes I just don't think, I can go another day with it. He will slow down for a short period of time, but then it is the same old thing over again. He talks about some of the silliest things you can imagine, and he sure gets on my last nerve, as my mom would say. Most of the time I feel, as though I don't have another nerve left for him to step on. Sounds crazy yes, but it is so true.

I don't cry anymore, because I think there are no tears left. I see him awake from a deep sleep, and he as strangled on the food he has eaten before he went to sleep. Acid Reflux the doctors call it, and it is because of the abuse he does to himself called "Alcoholism." I have seen him get so bad with this Acid Reflux that I can ring water out of his clothes by the time he gets to the point he can breathe. Not funny at all, but yet you got to remember, he says, "I am hurting no one but me." I try to explain to him, this kills people all the time, but yet he reaches for his beer. It seems it don't have no effect on him at all. He always blames the foods he eats, but it is never the alcohol. I know there are people out there that can relate to what I am saying. You beg, you plead for them to stop, but they don't.

Alcohol is one of the worst things that can happen to a family, and this I know, because I live with an alcoholic. You want to help, but they have to want help, before they can stop. They have to see they have a problem first. I have had him to say one time, "I know, I have a problem," but it still don't stop him.

You cannot talk to someone that is drunk, because they only hear what they want to hear. They will take something you say, and they will turn it totally around to be opposite. I feel for any family that has a loved one that drinks. It is a hard life!

Another problem with someone that drinks is it is always someone else's fault they are doing it. They look for a reason to get to drink, and friends are the number one choice. They want to hang with people just like them. They have no respect when they are drinking, just looking for their next drink. Yes it does wear on your nerves!

I have gone off to myself before when he has been drinking, and I will think to myself, I can't do this any more. I will think girl why are you allowing yourself to deal with this. Why do you keep holding on? Yet I keep holding on, hoping it will get better. I have seen people change time after time, but as I said you have to want to change yourself, before it will happen.

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