"I'd rather talk about the blind leading the blind." That's the first thing that came to my mind when my husband and I tried to talk to our preteens about sex for the first time. It was a rude awakening for him and me, because apparently our twelve-year-old knew more than we thought. This rude awakening left me wondering where he was taught? How strange it seemed to be sitting there with my first born child, as innocently as he seemed to be, and realize that his dad and I were not the first human beings who discussed such things with our son, who we believed would have no clue what we were trying so desperately to explain in a mature and responsible way.
The entire conversation only lasted a moment or two, because you see, he explained to me how sex was achieved in more scientific terms than I'd ever heard or ever knew to be true. There was nothing left to do but to pat his head as we said, "Okay, nice chatting with you, so now you can go outside and play." After that day my husband and I knew we'd need to deal with a few issues before we dared to approach the subject of sex again.
The strangest part of the whole scene was the fact that my son never once referred to sex as being gross, the very thing we thought he'd think was the most gross would not be gross at all to my son who seemed to know it all. Then again, I had to keep in mind that what he thought he knew might not be exactly the truth, so the next conversation began with me asking him, "What exactly do you know about sex, and might I add, can you tell me just who told you?" I'm ashamed to admit it, but I had no clue.
That' when he explained to me that he'd learned most of what he knew from the Internet, and the rest he learned from TV, besides just a bit of information he received from his best friend, Billy, who lived down the street. After that, he explained that Billy's dad even had photographs of the act, so that's when it became very clear to my husband and me that we'd waited a bit too late to discuss sex with our twelve-year-old son. We should have discussed such stuff earlier on.
It's not easy for me to admit such things, especially when it reveals my stupidity, but if I don't reveal the truth to you, how will you know what, where or with whom your preteen is learning about sex too? That's why the best advice I can give to you is to never assume your preteen is as naive as you.
I suppose I waited until the age of twelve-years, due to the fact that I was twelve when I first heard the word, "sex," along with other words I'd never heard, which came from the mouth of a babe. My instructor turned out to be a kid, like me, who had a whole group of kids hanging onto his every unheard word in a study hall at school. There we were, supposedly studying, discussing such stuff none of us ever knew existed, much less felt the need to resist it. All I knew is that I didn't want to believe it was true, so I went home and asked my mom if the facts I asked in detail were true or not? As I recall, she turned a crimson red when she said, "We'll discuss such stuff when you turn sixteen." That seemed to be a long time away to me. That's why the only thing I knew or understood sexually was what that kid told me until a few weeks after I got married. Why do parents make such huge mistakes?
Apparently, parents still tend to be in denial when it comes to their kids and what they know these days when high speed technology gets to them faster than we ever can. Don't assume any preteen will wait for you to explain what's on every preteen mind all the time. Don't make the mistake of believing that, like you, your child will think of sex as something gross that only grown ups do to have a child or two.
That's exactly why the next time we attempted to discuss sex with our son, we decided to discuss the stuff that tends to come up after the fact of the sex act is over and done. This was much easier for my husband and me, and as it turned out, this became the rude awakening we'd need for our son to see and believe. All it took was to explain what it's like to have a house full of kids, and changing a baby's diapers filled with number two, before he knew that sex would be too gross for him to do, at least until he turned twenty-two.
To conclude, I'd like to remind you to look around your home and pay attention to what you own. Please don't leave your sexually explicit magazines in full view for preteens to see when they visit you. Never allow a preteen to play all day by the light of a computer screen, and when they need to do research, make sure you research first. Make sure you know where your child intends to go and don't walk off and leave him on his own to end up who knows where, out there on the web, where creepy sex fiends roam and call home.
When the time seems right, and preferably before they reach the preteen age, just state the facts of the act as scientifically as you can. After that, state the facts that come after the act, and don't leave out what's the most gross. In fact, leave nothing to the imagination, which means you'll need to explain each and every consequence that goes with those facts that make sex seem fun to most sons. I guarantee, if you take any male teen or preteen and discuss such stuff as commitment and being stuck with a house full of kids, along with a wife for life who no longer thinks sex is much fun, your son will know all he needs to know about sex until he's old enough to have it. Then again, these same tips are true for girls too, but when you explain sex with them, be sure and describe what it was like to give birth to them, and your preteen daughter will never even think to ask anyone about sex again.
After all, preteens have better things to do, so if you choose to leave a computer in your preteens room, be prepared for the fact that your kids will learn about sex in a high speed way. That's why I'd say put the computer in a safe place and tell your kids to go outside and play. Otherwise, the fact remains that our preteens will be growing up too fast these days, in all the wrong ways.