by Annette Partida

Created on: October 25, 2008

Jim is the 74 year old virgin that still invisibly hangs from his mother's confederate apron strings. He wears a semen stained navy blue paper boy hat, meringue colored button-up shirts, dirty big glasses, a pocket-protector full of mismatched Bic pens in his breast pocket and has mastered the grammar and syntax of the original English language.
Jim is your grandfather's weird friend that comes over for Thanksgiving dinner, because he has no where else to go. He is the Chilli Willie character from the Looney Toons. He is the wart that returns after you have poured acid and used a blow torch on it. No matter how hard you try to lose him, he simply will never go away. He takes forever to eat one meal and will cuss you out over lunch in Beijing. Takes an obscene amount of pictures in awkward positions. Often lying on the floor or leaning back to capture "the best" image possible. He is often heard correcting people, "No...No...that is not the correct form and tense used when stress on the vowel which marks the second conjugation infinitives." Most of the time, we just stare in disbelief over everything that is Jim.

In life, we come across a spectrum of people. From those you care nothing about, to those you would give a testicle for. Polarized against his nemisi, the youthful people that carried promise and hope, made Jim seem all the more grim and sad. Always trying to get behind his milky cataracts and "Gollum slash Smeagol" like posture. We grew fond of Jim. Underneath his desperate need for acceptance and love, he is at his core human. But what is most perplexing about Jim and his testicles, is his absolute inability to connect simple social dots. He is the kind of man that will never learn from his mistakes, never admit his own failures, and never genuinely be happy. While we toasted and smiled our days away, he shriveled up and hid both inside and outside from the world.
Happiness come from the inside of our hearts, not the rolling tongues of $5 words. I have learned much from this man. We all have. We have learned of what never to become in our old age: bizarre, stubborn, excessively celibate, stone cold, and awkward. With age, should come wisdom, or the very least, a deeper sense of what it means to be humane. For Jim, painfully, he has wondered off mentally in the opposite direction.
I would like to take the time to celebrate this man: Jim. Whose heart, even though it is shriveling up like a raisin in the sun, and barely pumps the oxygen his aged body needs for he has reminded us all, how important it is to be compassionate and empathetic towards others in life. For even sunlight still shines on the coldest of mountains and the hardest of rocky canyons. It will eventually turn everything goldenthe back of a loved ones head. The lips of your mother. The grass of deep valleys. A spider's web. All things eventually are warmed by the love of the sun s lighteven dog shit.

And as we say in all parts of China,

Jim's Balls.

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