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Humor: A comical view of telemarketing

by Eugene G.

Created on: October 25, 2008

Telemarketing can be considered one of the most annoying professions ever created in the workforce. You know a profession is universally disliked by people when a national registry is created named "do not call."

It's not an easy task calling random people on the telephone attempting to sell products or services. A few years after I graduated from college, I worked part time as a Telemarketer for about four months. I wanted experience in a particular industry and an opportunity presented itself. I was not a fan of telemarketing, but felt the experience could be helpful to my resume. Although I was thankful for the opportunity, I found out what it's like to be "The Pest" on the other side of the telephone. Telemarketing was definitely not for me.

Telemarketers are performers who like to put on a show for you. This show doesn't cost you anything except time and patience (unless you actually buy what they have to sell). The major difference - the show is on the telephone - not on stage. They play the role of "The Pest" and the show can go on multiple times throughout the day. Performances will start during the 8am - Noon shift, again during the 2pm - 5pm shift and of course during the 6pm - 9pm shift. Sometimes it's the same "Pest" and other times it's a different actor. All "Pests" have the same purpose in mind - to "bug" you enough times so that you pick up that telephone and buy what they have to sell.

If you are bold enough to pick up the telephone (and actually give them a chance to speak before hanging up on them), the Telemarketer (or Pest) follows a script that has been pre-written for them. You don't realize that telemarketing is the equivalent of working on a daytime soap opera or theatrical presentation, but this is what you get yourself into.

To prepare for the role of "The Pest" Telemarketers will rehearse their sales pitch. On occasion, the Telemarketer is allowed to improvise from the script. Before they actually have a chance to perform, they create "The Pest" character with the help of other cast members (Telemarketing representatives) or directors (Sales/Account managers). The representatives act as "The Customer", but once you begin rehearsal of the script you start asking yourself "who writes this stuff." How many times have you heard: "Hello - may I please speak with the lady of the house?" It really doesn't help a Telemarketer's cause if there is no lady living in the house to begin with.

Once the curtain goes up, there is a five second delay

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