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in the media: "no big deal", "everybody does it", "sex without commitment is the best kind of sex there is". Well, guess what? It's even more troubling to your teen; he just doesn't think he's "allowed" to show his fear to anyone. Try to give him/her the message that it's definitely okay with you if they share their misgivings.

DON'T MAKE ABSTINENCE THE ONLY OPTION

I realize that I may lose some readers with this one, but just hear me out. Being hell-bent on telling your teen that abstinence is the ONLY choice they have is akin to shooting yourself in the foot. You are committing teen pregnancy suicide if you remain that inflexible. Family therapist Sandra Tester of Arkansas says that kids raised in strict, religious homes are more likely to get pregnant than those whose parents promote abstinence, yet are honest and open in talking to them about birth control. Why? Because if a teen lives in a home that is that rigid, and he or she "makes a mistake" and has sex, in their minds, they are compounding their "sin" if they use birth control. So they don't. And you know what you call teens who don't use birth control? Parents.

There is another, surprising consequence of taking a hard line stance, and that is the fact that if a teen feels she's committed a mortal sin by having sex with her boyfriend, she views herself harshly, sometimes seeing herself as "damaged goods." The result? Sometimes these feelings can be so strong that the teen feels she has "nothing to lose", because she's already "lost it all." Promiscuity can then become a lifestyle, leading to herpes, STDs, or worse.

Certainly, abstinence is preferable, but it's not a good idea for your teen to feel as if you've backed him into a corner. It's better to err on the side of grace, than of toxic rigidity.

Being a parent is never easy, and one of the toughest parts of the gig is the "sex talk." But, once you open the door to healthy communication, you will find that it gets easier. After all, despite all of the sexual hoopla they are exposed to, they really are no different than we were at that age; they've just, unfortunately, been exposed to much more at a much younger age.

Learn more about this author, Rachel Stockton.
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