by April Duke

Created on: October 24, 2008

We are told from the day that we bring our babies home from the hospital that we should be encouraging independence. Great Aunt Sally asks when you're going to wean him, and your mother wants to know when she can keep him for a week. Well meaning friends and relatives are full of advice on fostering independence: "Don't pick him up too much, he'll want to be held all the time", "Don't go get him when he cries, he'll think he can get anything he wants just by crying", or, "You're not sending him to preschool? How will he ever learn to be independent?"

How does anyone learn to be secure at all in a world like that? Babies learn to be independent by being constantly reassured that we are there for them. By responding to a child's needs, you actually foster the independence that we as a society value so highly. It may seem counter-intuitive, but babies who cry less and who are attended to more quickly are happier and more secure than babies left to cry so they'll (ironically enough) "learn" to be independent.

A controversial and not-too-popular opinion, introduced by books like The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff, is that babies should be "in arms" for the first six months of their lives. An easy and mom-friendly way to accomplish this is by wearing your baby in a baby sling. After six months of age, you can continue to give your baby the reassurance he needs by holding him as much as possible and always making sure that you are there when he needs to "touch base". The philosophy behind this is that secure children will be better equipped to deal with the pressures of life.

Attachment Parenting has grown in popularity in recent years, and I believe this will be for the betterment of society. Studies have suggested that violence can come from basic attachment issues. Could it be that we are seeing increased violence in the younger generations because of the rise in detached and "independence oriented" parenting? It is possible that these children are not emotionally secure enough to process life and all of the pressures that go along with it.

With this in mind I urge you, when your baby cries, pick him up. I promise that you won't be spoiling him, you'll be creating in him the knowledge that when he needs something, you will be there for him. If we can begin to return to attached parenting, it is possible that this next generation will be one of peace.

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