Life is often described as a journey, with many roads and pathways leading to the end of the journey. Most of us will feel that we may have taken the wrong road when faced with some of life's choices, and that may result in our living with regrets. We are all human and make mistakes in life, but we may also wonder how our lives would be different if we had chosen a different road along life's journey.
When I think about my life now as a middle aged grandmother, I often wonder if my life would be different now if I had chosen a different road in life. In some cases, I made very good choices and the road I traveled was easy, but I also made many mistakes while traveling along life's roads. When I reflect on the many mistakes I have made, I often wish that I could travel back in time and correct those mistakes by making different choices.
Even though traveling back in time isn't physically possible, it is possible to travel back in time by reliving some old memories and perhaps with more maturity, wisdom, and insight than we had at the time. When I was eighteen years old, I had a conversation with my father, and at the time I thought it was very odd. He was telling me that I should go out of state to college or at the very least move to another city or state when I graduated. I remember telling him that I was just beginning my college education and didn't know where life would take me after graduation. That conversation haunted me for years and as my parents aged, I began to understand what my father was trying to tell me. I am an only child and he knew something that I didn't realize at the time. My father knew that he and my mother had chosen to focus their attention on me and really had not developed lives of their own, and he was trying to tell me that I should choose to live in another area so that I could be the independent adult that I was meant to be at that stage of my life. Unfortunately, I did not choose this road and there are many times over the years that I have often wondered what the outcome would have been if I had gone to college in another state.
During my college years, life presented another opportunity to choose between two roads, and unfortunately, I made the wrong choice. Traveling that particular road resulted in much heartache, grief, and stress for many years of my adult life. I have always admired anyone who had the courage to get up on stage and act in a play or sing a song. The college I attended had several singing groups that performed for the students, and I attended these concerts often. One particular evening, one young man performed and received a much deserved standing ovation for his musical performance. The following day, I had gotten out of class early, and while waiting for the cafeteria to open for lunch, I happened to look out the window and see that same young man standing outside my dorm. I made the decision to go down and speak to him. Choosing that particular road was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made in life. We married, even though I knew that it was a huge mistake. I should have listened to my inner voice that kept pointing out a different road in life, but I was young and kept rationalizing my decision.
When I think back to that fateful day when I chose to leave my dorm room and speak to that young man, I once again wish I could turn back time and correct that mistake. I often wonder if my life would have been easier, better, or worse if I had chosen to stay in my dorm room instead of speaking to that young man. Perhaps I would never have experienced being a mother or perhaps I would have remained single and embarked on a teaching career. Also, I wonder if I would have been happier or would have experienced more loneliness if I had chosen a different road in life.
Robert Frost wrote a poem entitled "The Road Not Taken" and the last two lines of the poem indicate that the speaker took the road less traveled and that has made a difference in his life. I will never know whether or not my own life would have been better or worse if I had chosen a different road all those years ago, but I hope that, when faced with choosing which road to take along the rest of life's journey, I will be able to choose wisely.