by Alicia Butler

Created on: October 24, 2008

Tradition is a Four Letter Word

Now that summer is coming to an end, if you are a female under the age of 40, you have inevitably attended some kind of shower this season. Whether it was a wedding shower or a baby shower, you were probably obligated to purchase some sort of a gift and you generally fall into one of the three categories of gift givers:

1. The cheap gift-giver- You know who you are. A few days before the event you realize you have $20.00 leftover until your next paycheck and you can buy a.) a bottle of wine (for yourself) or b.) a gift card to

Target (for your friend). You end up going to Target and buying a cube of wine and opting to use the last $5.00 to buy a card and write a cheesy letter with the words, "To be opened on baby's 18th birthday" on the front. You drink the entire box of wine before you pen the letter and you are secretly hoping it will be forgotten about or thrown away by "baby's 18th birthday" as it doesn't make any sense.

2. The overly-emotional gift-giver- This is what the cheap gift-giver could be if she lived up to full potential. This friend will write a profound letter, cross-stitches it onto a pillow, and stuff it with the rose-petals she saved from your senior prom corsages just for the occasion.

3. The registry gift-giver- This person logs on to Macy's.com and goes halfsies with your second cousin to buy the $20.00 pillow cases you registered for. She doesn't spring in for the his and her's monogramming you requested, however, as she can't remember your fiance's name.

You've probably noticed a variety of odd, outdated traditions that follow baby and bridal showers like the four horsemen of the apocalypse. I now understand why people spend so much money on their weddings; after spending the preceding months playing bridal shower games, making an arse out of myself at bachelorette parties, seeing the bride in different stages of nudity trying on the wedding dress, and spending half a week's salary on a bridesmaid dress the bride is proud to announce, "You'll be able to wear it again and again!" you'd pretty much have to pay me to stand for hour during the ceremony, smile for the photographer, and forget about the whole ordeal enough to be sober by the time I need to make a speech.

I've realized that "tradition" is simply a word people use to make you do something obnoxious that you don't want to do. At my sister's bridal shower, the other bridesmaids informed me it was "tradition" for me to write down a list of items gifted

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