I Don't Want to Grow Up
She was seventeen and scared to death of everything. "What's the point of life?" she'd ask her mother. "You get up, go to work, come home and do it all again the next day I just don't get it."
Instead of doing homework, she would surround herself with piles of beauty magazines and gossip rags. After thumbing through them once, she'd go back through each of them, page by page, and cut out pictures of all the large-breasted, raven-haired women with tiny waists and big butts.
She began to make collages with the cut-outs to hang on any empty wall space she hadn't already filled with posters of Vivid porn stars, Victoria Secret models and Carmen Electra. She wasn't shy about her obsession with beautiful women and it wasn't because she wanted to be with them, she wanted to become them.
"I wish I had brown eyes." Her eyes were blue.
"I wish my hair were longer." It was already waist-length.
"I wish my butt were bigger."
What?
"Does my butt look big in these jeans? Please say yes"
Unfortunately, she'd developed a phobia of drawers. The unrest she'd struggled with since the divorce materialized in the piles of clothing, cut-up magazines, and half-eaten bags of potato chips that smothered her bedroom floor. Her mother had long since tried to understand why her daughter did the things she did. All she could do was love her.
For ten years she'd had two homes one with each parent. Her parents separated when she was seven and divorced shortly after she'd turned nine. Though her parents meant well and tried to protect her and her brother, it was a difficult experience. She was the good and perfect child. Until she turned eleven.
On a hot, August night she spent the night at Jessica's house. After Jessica's parents had fallen asleep, the two brand-new seventh graders opened the liquor cabinet and took turns drinking from the Jack Daniels bottle. Jessica crept upstairs to get a couple of cigarettes from her mother's purse while she waited on the bed. As she sat picking at the stuffing on Jessica's ratty teddy bear, she began to feel the effects of the alcohol take hold. By the time Jessica returned, she was feeling giddy. The two girls sat close to one another on the bed and began to concoct their plan.
They listened quietly for any signs of movement overhead, but
High on their own naughtiness, they decided to walk over to Adam's house for a little fun. Adam had called them bitches during their first week of school so they thought it would be fun to pay him back. They stuffed a backpack with matches, toilet paper, fabric markers, and some loose sheets of paper. They wasted no time once they got to his house.
All through the trees and around the mail box, they strung the toilet paper with glee. They pulled the markers out of the backpack and began to draw all over the three white cars parked in the driveway of Adam's home. She noticed that the windows of one of the cars was rolled down so she reached in and pulled out a soccer ball and put in the backpack. And, with all the wisdom that two tipsy seventh graders could muster at three o'clock in the morning, they scribbled nasty notes to Adam and his little sister and left them on the front porch. They even signed their names.
Not wanting to go back to Jessica's house and sleep off their buzz, they decided to go over to the school to see if they could get inside. She remembered that one of the windows had been broken out during the frenzy of vandalism that had occurred against the school during the first week of classes. On the way to the school, her friend noticed a plastic American flag lying in the street. She picked it up and twirled it in her fingers as they made their way through the still neighborhood. As they approached the back of the school, they could see clearly the break in the glass. She had just gotten her green belt in karate so the glass caved in easily beneath her foot.
Once inside, the girls headed to the cafeteria. Jessica threw the flag down on the floor and pulled the matches out of the backpack. The stench of the burning plastic curled upward toward their faces and they giggled. Bored with the cafeteria, they made their way to the teacher's lounge. As they skipped down the hallway, they pulled posters and projects off the walls. She noticed a copy of The Outsiders attached to one of the projects and tucked it in her pants; it was her favorite book. She had meant to check it out at the library that week, now she wouldn't have to, she thought.
They were pleasantly surprised to find the teacher's lounge open and waiting for them. They quickly located packets of instant creamer, artificial sweetener and sugar and laughed as they emptied the contents all over the tightly matted carpet. They flung the refrigerator door open and pulled out cans of soda. One by one, they open the cans and spilled them out onto the floor. Chairs and tables were overturned and more papers were pulled from the walls.
The girls looked at one another sleepily and decided to go home before the sun came up.