by Sara Daw

Created on: October 24, 2008   Last Updated: October 30, 2008

A friend once declared that she could see that I was in love with a guy, much to my astonishment, without my even mentioning his name. From all our mutual friends she could pick out the one that I was fixated with at the time. When I began to blush and protest that she was mistaken, she just laughed and said it was obvious. I thought that I had been very clever in disguising my feelings,particularly as he was with someone else at the time, but my friend said mysteriously "It's all in the eyes......" When I pressed her further for an explanation she said I either averted my gaze in his company or stared at him intently when I thought no-one was looking. She also said my pupils grew larger when he was around, something at the time that caused huge amusement.

But when I think back to her words,and her description of physical hints of someone falling in love, I examine it more with interest. When you are falling in love the world indeed does take on a rosier glow, your mind is fixated on one thought throughout your days and nights, that thought is your loved one. When you catch a sight of your love or have a conversation with them, you are conscious of your heart beating rapidly, you become flushed and start to gabble your words or laugh inappropriately. When they enter a room your stomach lurches, your mouth goes dry and as much as you are desperate for them to notice you; you are equally terrified that they will come over and you will again make a fool of yourself. Really,finding love is a double-edged sword, you yearn to become their love but you behave in a manner that is alien to your personality. When you secure that love and they are yours, then and only then do they start to see the real you, usually 'warts and all'. I remember being terrified that my lover would catch me using the bathroom,as, I wanted him to see me as the beautiful goddess that had charmed him to succumb to my wiles.

I suppose it all harks back to nature, we are animals afterall. We behave in ritualistic manners to our peers and mates just as the rest of the diverse range of species on this planet. When we are falling in love, a kind of madness descends. We don't eat,sleep or feel anything other than our growing attraction to our supposed mate. We are suddenly driven by only one thought, making that person ours,making them love us back. We have all been put on this planet in order to procreate, to find a mate. We have an inherent inner trigger that when we find a mate, is set off, and we behave in an increasingly erratic way. This is noticeable to friends, but to us, well, we are still behaving normally.Finding Love and falling in love is a messy business. Sometimes we are succesful, our love is returned, but rejection is a cruel side-effect that can leave us destoyed and almost literally heart-broken. You may laugh when you see a friend starting to make a fool of themselves, dressing provocatively, giggling at their intended's dire jokes with the enthusiasm of a devotee. But spare a kind thought for them. Why?, because finding love is a tragic, messy business, but, well, someone's got to do it!

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