by C.L. Bennett

Created on: October 24, 2008

All I want for Christmas is...a teen that skips right past the teen years, and launches directly into the more reasonable and rational young adulthood. Is that realy so much to ask, Santa? I myself have been a very good girl all year. I've been patient and understanding, bitten my tongue nearly in half when I wanted to scream and I've worked diligently at learning how to give them their "space". This holiday, after such a rough year filled with teen mishaps, I feel I deserve to get anything I want for Christmas. And what I want most is the Teen Eliminator 4000 Delux.

There's no need to bring each of my teens individual gifts Santa, because with this one gift to me, I can provide all that's required. The TE4000, when properly aimed at the temple of the intended target, will eliminate the rapid mood swings and constant sarcasm, will permanently eradicate the word "whatever" from their vocabulary, install an inherent sense of caring and responsibility towards their siblings and cause them to do their homework without ten reminders. I've heard rumors of even greater results, too. With multiple treatments, it's been whispered that a teen will actually say thank you and please, just as they'd been taught to do so many years ago. And they lose their frosty demeanor towards their parents when in front of friends, at times even being downright affectionate! I'm not sure that I believe this, to be honest, but that's the rumor. One mother even reported that her teen began to wake herself up in the mornings, cleaning up her room without being told to do so, and even deliberately shortened her shower time to allow her younger brother some hot water in the morning. Most even stopped asking for expensive laptops, cell phones with unlimited texting and the newest iPod every time a new one comes out. And every report indicated a drastic reduction in disrespectful backtalk, reckless driving and curfew infringements. Personally, I think that type of behavior modification is beyond the capability of any electronic device, even the TE4000, but I'm willing to try it out!

Why Santa, if my teens would just have the rational attitude and loving demeanor that I've strived to teach them, their father and I will get them all they desire. We'll even do it with a glad heart, regardless of the expense. Afterall, seeing the fruit of our labors in a positive light will be worth it's weight in gold. So if you really want my teens to get all they asked for, then simply deliver one teen Eliminator 4000 Delux under our tree. Once the treatments are complete, I'm sure they too will say thank you!

Learn more about this author, C.L. Bennett.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.