by Shawn Dawson

Created on: October 24, 2008

Becoming a stepfather is a very trying time, but one that can be rewarding. There are various trials and emotions that you will go through during this process. Keep in mind that being a stepfather is a life-long lesson.

First, allow the children to get to know you at their own pace. Don't force yourself onto them. Believe me when I say...children know when someone is good or bad and will react to them accordingly. If you are a sincere person, they will notice and react accordingly.

Second, be their FATHER, but don't REPLACE their FATHER. I had to (and still have to) deal with that fact. My fiancee has two beautiful girls. The older one, who is 13, took to me fairly quickly. She was protective of her mother and wanted to make sure that I was the right one for her. After a few weeks of spending time with her, she began to trust me and confide in me. Now, she gets upset if I don't talk to her.

The youngest one, who is 3, was very challenging. It took a long time for her to even give me a hug, though she was always saying that she wanted to come to my house. I overcame her emotions by just being their for her and letting her know that I loved her. Now, by no coercion of mine or my fiancee's, she calls me "DAD". She realize that I am here for her to guide her, love her, and protect her.

The 3 year old's biological father is still in her life. To be honest, I do not like him and believe that he is mistreating her, but I do not express that in front of her. She is confused enough as it is without me adding to it.

Be careful, though, of your boundaries. A mother will always make her children number one, and she should. Do not play the good parent-bad parent role. Discuss how she wants her children brought up. Support the mother's decisions. This will earn you respect from the child.

In my situation, I sometimes have to play the disciplinarian role, but only to enforce my fiancee's wishes for her children. I don't "rule with an iron-fist, but I do come down hard when called for.

The biggest advise is simply this...your word is your bond. Do not make promises that you can not keep. Children will eventually realise just how honest you are just by your word.

Love and treat the children as if they were your own. Provide and care for them. Love them unconditionally. Cherish them and your relationship with them will be rewarding. Trust me...having these two beautiful girls in my life is more rewarding than any lottery I could win.

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