by Nancy Canyon

Created on: October 24, 2008   Last Updated: May 06, 2010

Relationship red flags are easier to recognize than you think. Sometimes negative relational patterns develop over a period of time, especially during stressful times, such as a move, job change, or illness. Certain words or ways of saying things may seem benign to you, but could be hurtful to your mate. Watch how your mate reacts and don't let things go.

Red flags in a relationship are far easier to spot if you can put yourself in your mate's shoes. Do you give disapproving looks, offer critical remarks, judgmental comebacks, too much advice; to one person this type of behavior may seem petty compared to cheating or abuse, but to the sensitive type, words cut deeply.

Criticism in the number one cause for divorce. And it doesn't have to be loud, mean criticism; benign joking will wear a person down, especially if it is hiding an edge of disapproval or anger. When criticism is a pattern, you'll begin to see a change in your partner's body language. This means it's time for relationship help.

In a successful relationship, there is always repair work being done. If a little argument happens, you ask what is wrong? You touch your spouse's hand or shoulder. You let him or her know you are concerned. Don't be afraid to say you're sorry.

Relationship help can be fun;

1. Plan a weekly date, especially if you are a couple with children. If your spouse argues about what you've planned, see what he or she has in mind. Take turns deciding on the weekly date and surprise each other. This is an exercise in letting go. Trust your mate.
2. Hold hands. This is an intimate act. It brings comfort to your spouse and says that you care. There is much non-sexual touching in successful relationships. Touch is essential in making a person feel safe and loved. It is essential to life.
3. Talk about things that bother you. It is better to bring up a sore spot immediately, rather than let it fester. Relationships need conflict. This is sometimes hard to understand, but conflict makes for better feelings because it opens up the airwaves lets your mate know that you want to understand what is troubling him or her.
4. Offer to get help. If you have unresolved issues that are harming the relationship, get professional help. Individual help may be useful, but troubled couples can make use of a good family and marriage counselor to get back on track. It is worth a try.

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