by Megan Spring

Created on: October 24, 2008

Growing up I lived in a house with mental abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse. I had a mom who has never learned to love unconditionally and would put her children in harms way. I lived with a mom and a alcoholic step father who put their alcohol and money before anything. My mom would work evenings and I would be left alone for hours with my step father who liked me more than he should and hated my sister. We would beg my mom to leave him, but because of money she never would. When my mom was home she would call my sister and I all kinds of names and would tell us what terrible children we were. When I was 14 years old I was told by my step father how attracted he was to me. I told my mom everything that was going on and what was said, but she never did anything. Finally at 17 I moved out. Shortly after that I met my husband and we got married right after I turned 18.

The beginning of our marriage was our roughest. I was young and immature and because he lived in a very different family he expected a lot of different things from me. I never learned how to communicate. I had learned how to turn things off and shut down my emotions. He couldn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with making love. He grew up in a very loving home and he loved me and would show love, but I had a hard time showing any kind of love. We went through several years of getting into arguments because I couldn't show love. When we would get into these arguments it would be one sided because I would coward down and not stand up for myself. He has never been abusive, but I never would give him what he was needing.

After having children and with his love and patience I am much better. We have been married over 13 years now and I am just now learning how to show affection to him. I have never had a problem showing our kids how much I love them because if nothing else that is what I want them to know. We have been through marriage counseling because we were close to separating and getting divorced. That isn't what either of us wanted because we both loved each other, but we needed to find a way for me to communicate. When I finally got my voice our marriage became so much better. We turned to God in our time of desperation and he showed us the way back to each other.

I learned from my parents what I didn't want out of a marriage. They did a lot of damage that will probably never be reversed, but my husband has fought for me. For all of the negativity in my life growing up, he has treated me with love and kindness. We have learned to communicate with one another and I have learned to show him just how much I love him. I have learned how lucky I am that God has blessed me with my husband and the children that we have. I will never be like my mom and I would never have my children in harms way. My husband and I are lucky to have weathered the storm of the past coming to haunt us. We have worked very hard and it has all paid off. We love each other and we will grow old together.

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