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If you are like many parents, the idea of talking to your preteen about sex is daunting. However, there are a host of advantages to beginning or supplementing your preteen's knowledge of sex in the home. When you talk to your child about sex, you are setting the stage for an ongoing dialogue between you and your child. The child receives the message that sex is an okay thing to talk about and can hopefully turn to you for information, guidance and support as they struggle with and develop their own values and attitudes toward sex. Moreover, you will know that the information your child receives about sex is accurate, and you are giving the child the message that you care enough about him or her to take the time to discuss this important issue. There is no evidence that talking to your child about sex will increase the likelihood of the child having sex earlier, as many parents fear.

The discussion about sex should begin with spending time thinking out what are the key messages you want your child to get from you about sex. What are your values around sex? What attitudes and feelings do you want your child to have about sex? How did you learn about sex yourself, and what can you learn from that experience to talk about sex with your child? Are you missing any information that the child might need from you? Do you want to have pictures, objects such as condoms, or a video to help teach them?Also, if you have close friends that have had that discussion with their children, asking them for tips may be a good way to get a clear idea of how you want the talk with your child to happen.

Set aside time to talk about sex with your child. You may or may not want to formally set up the discussion about the child. If it is possible, having the parent that is the same sex as the child do the sex talk will likely increase the child's comfort level. Older children are more likely to be open with you and be able to talk more freely when they are engaged in an activity or not sitting directly across from you. A long walk or car ride or a shared activity, like shooting baskets, baking cookies, or playing a card game together may help a child to speak more freely about this topic with you.

When talking to the child, do your best to communicate that this is an okay topic by remaining calm and centered throughout the discussion. Having a plan in mind about how you want to field their questions helps with this. Using the correct words for the anatomy is helpful in assisting the child to build the appropriate vocabulary. Having a talk about the slang associated with sex and genitalia could provide a good opportunity to talk about the power of words and being respectful. Praise your child for asking questions and encourage them to come to you when there is something they hear about but do not understand. Be honest and straightforward with your answers. This helps them feel comfortable coming to you and that you are a reliable source of information. It is unfair to the child to do otherwise. Do not assume what they know and do not know. Empathize with them if they express discomfort or embarrassment. Finally, reinforce to the child that he or she is loved, and you want them to make choices that keep them happy, healthy and safe.

Following these simple guidelines should help create a comfortable dialogue between you and your child about sex, and be rewarding for both parent and child.

Learn more about this author, Beth Stillman.
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