by Ashley Brezina

Created on: October 23, 2008

First thing's first: if the parents are happy, the children are happy.

I believe 100% in that. Your children want to protect you, and when you're upset, it makes them upset, and even angry at times.

Marriage is a bond, a union, between 2 people. Why did you get married in the first place? I'm hoping the answer is because you loved one another and wanted to create a life together, built on honesty, trust, and love, among other things, instead of for a baby on the way or a child. Reguardless, of what tradition states, a man and woman shouldn't get married because they're expecting a baby and they'll have to make do with eachother. You have a choice. Nobody is browbeating you into puttings rings on your fingers and being together until death do you part.

But, the real question is, do you stay married for your child(ren), if you're not happy? My answer is no, because of my opening sentence.

I grew up in a household where my parents argued and, I'm not saying this with exaggeration, fought nearly every day. They got married because my mom got pregnant with me. My dad thought it was the noble thing to do, as most guys did back then, and some to this day still do. They didn't know eachother very long, and found out soon that they weren't a match made in heaven.

They fought over anything and everything: bills, how to raise me, a dog, etc. And, I was miserable and scared. I didn't know how to make them stop fighting and yelling. Children, like I said, want to protect they're parents from any harm. I could see they weren't happy and were hurting. It's very confusing for a child to understand and go through that process.

I agree that children need both parents, but not to the point where everybody is unhappy and hurting. Why put your child(ren) through that? Parents are supposed to put their children number one, in my opinion, and you're supposed to go to great lengths to keep them happy (within reason). I say "within reason" because I don't mean you're supposed to spoil your child with gifts.

You also need to make them understand that you can't stay married because they want you to. While it is and should be about the children, you can't make them happy when you're unhappy. It's a vicious circle.

When you're not happy, things start bottling up inside, and soon you will explode and hurt the people around you. So keeping yourself in an unhappy situation (i.e. staying married for the little ones), isn't the answer. You becomes depressed and people have even suffered from temporary insanity, among other mental illnesses, from staying in an unhealthy marriage, because they don't know how or what to do with the pain and discomfort.

I'm not saying you shouldn't try to save your marriage, for whatever reason, from crumbling. People have gone through counseling and have had great results. But, just because you have this idea that children need both of their parents to grow up and live, doesn't mean you should do it. You have to have the intentions of staying together for the same reason you got married. It's a must.

Otherwise, you'll have some marginally damaged children. Sure, they'll come out of it, but they'll never forget it. Ever.

They'll remember the harsh words, the way the two of you grew apart, etc. And some think that's okay, when it's most definitely not. Marriage is about love, first and foremost. Then, teamwork, sharing, communication, and compromise, but that compromise is supposed to be for the adults, not compromising your happiness for the children.

Learn more about this author, Ashley Brezina.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.