by Prin Dumas

Created on: October 23, 2008   Last Updated: December 30, 2011

Every relationship can be wonderful, even with hardships.  Three red flags in a relationship are: doubt, pain, and change. All three have the potential to create and maintain an unhealthy level of havoc in a relationship.

Love is not a guarantee to be happy all of the time.  Contentment mixed with agitation can still be a great relationship.  A healthy and functional relationship, however, balances the good and bad. 

Doubt is necessary in the beginning stages of a relationship. You and your partner are relative strangers to each other, and it is normal to test expectations, question words and actions, and of course, misunderstand this new person's forms of communication. In time, however, doubt should succumb to the wonderful feelings of trust. If you're still dealing with jealousy, secretive behavior, lack of honesty (omission counts), and gut feelings of suspicion, something is wrong. If after six months, you cannot develop a level of trust -red flag!

Pain seems obvious as a red flag, but it is amazing the number of people who justify feeling bad and unhappy just to avoid being alone. Someone who cares about you should not make you cry - often. It may be healthy to recover from minor emotional injuries, and forgiveness is a wonderfully tried and true proof of love. Abuse, however, is unacceptable. Pain should be given a quarterly timeframe. If a problem exists without any solution (or remote improvement) for over 3 months, you are headed in the wrong direction. Pick up that red flag and walk the opposite way!

Change is usually considered a healthy and necessary part of growth, but change can also be unnecessary and harmful. If you give up too much of your time, talent, and life habits for another, or for the sake of being with another, you may unwittingly accept an unrealistic facade. No one should have to change for someone else. If your life has become a partner-centered whirlwind with a slow and steady decrease of the things (and people) you once loved, get out! You're simply not thinking long-term self-happiness.

When you enter a relationship, you want to enjoy it. Deception, violence, and deprivation are not components of love. Sacrifice is.  It is important to know the difference.  

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