by Sila Anton

Created on: October 21, 2008   Last Updated: April 08, 2011

Dearest winter

How do I loathe thee, let me count the ways.

I hate climbing out of my nice warm bed and having my toes touch a freezing cold floor. Because of you I am forced to wear flannel pajamas and sleep with two duvets. And if I misplace my fuzzy slippers, the trek to the bathroom turns into an icy expedition.

I hate that make the sun go into hiding. Because of you I am forced to drive into work in the dark and the sun sets at noon! You rob me of my much needed daylight, without it I fall asleep at my desk dreaming of warmer destinations.

I hate your icy winds that freeze my fingers and cause my nose to run non stop. Because of you my attempts to stop my running nose are futile. You are a trickster that takes great pleasure in your pranks. Biting winds and frozen fingers make Kleenex holding impossible.

I hate having to dig my car out of three feet of snow and de-ice my door before I can drive home. Because of you I cannot gain access to my car unless I am red faced and gasping for breath. You turn the simple process of getting into an automobile an obstacle course that is physically exhausting.

I hate having to wear sensible shoes and unflattering winter hats. Because of you my days of wearing fashionable stilettos or having a well coiffed hair style are over. I am forced to wear unattractive, heavy winter boots and my hair is a flattened mess. And if I choose not to wear a winter hat, your gale force winds will ensure that my hair is rumpled and in disarray after a 15 second stint outdoors.

I hate having to put a snowsuit on a toddler and then attempt to strap that toddler into a car seat. Because of you a relatively happy child is transformed in a screaming, snarling beast whose arms are permanently perpendicular to their body. They are rendered immobile because they now more closely resemble a marshmallow than a child.

I hate having to navigate my way across slushy sidewalks and ice encrusted stairs. Because of you, pathways become treacherous walkways of death. Even in my sensible winter shoes, I must still be extremely careful when navigating my way outdoors for fear of sliding across a piece of ice disguised as sidewalk.

Winter I beseech you, please, please go away. I can no longer stand for your constant abuse. I yearn for the sunshine, heat and warmth of summer. However, I understand that you may have grown fond of the time that you spend with me and if you refuse to go away at least go easy on us.

Sincerely,

Me

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