Tim Berners-Lee invented the hypertext-based World Wide Web in 1989, and after its release in 1992, the WWW became the foundation for the way people use the Internet. Now more than one billion surfers strong, the Web is already approaching total saturation for its capacity to annoy. Here are six of the most annoying online experiences, and some practical solutions that have yet to be implemented:
1. Pop-ups
This problem requires a browser add-on involving violence. Whenever a pop-up appears, your browser gives you options including, but not limited to, a flamethrower, any of the weapons from Predator, a Medieval morning star, a light saber, and a samurai sword. Combinations of Medieval and sci-fi weapons, such as a flail with laser spikes, should be both allowed and encouraged.
2. The climate change debate
Evidence for anthropogenic climate change, for and against, is everywhere. The Web has made this debate simultaneously more visible and less accessible, as various websites and newspapers now offer tons of highly debatable info. Anthropogenic climate change is clearly happening, but the debate continues over how much. The most rational response to this debate is not more debate, but the development of fusion power.
3. Spam
All Spam should fully disclose its nutritional content. The shipping of Spam across borders should be punishable by spamming.
4. Viruses, spyware, etc.
Instead of seeking out bank account and credit card numbers, hackers should pool their resources and focus on enabling ATM transactions other than multiples of $20. Once they've forced the banks to comply, it will be possible to go to the ATM, request $51.32, and also get a free dental exam and a puppy.
5. Email
This service enables the rapid-fire conveyance of messages between users. It should be abolished.
6. Political debates in general
Political punditry mixes and matches fiery rhetoric and comedy. It's very annoying and slightly educational, and that's why people despite it and can't get enough of it. The best response to edutainment is skepticism and fact-checking, because if entertainers were all experts, they'd agree on the issues more often than not, and debates would be a little more civilized.
Assuming it ever gets developed, the pop-up massacring tool described above could be used on Internet political punditry, as well. Imagine encountering a crazy rant and destroying it . . . with fire. This may well be the future of the Internet: personalized rant creation balanced out by personalized rant destruction. It just might take the online experience to a significantly less saturated level of annoyance.