Raising positive kids in a negative world - by Christine G.

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by Christine G.

Created on: October 21, 2008

Dear Dr. Philippa,

Why didn't anyone tell me that child rearing just gets harder and harder? I thought the worst would be over when they were out of diapers, in school, and able to make peanut butter sandwiches for themselves. But now it's a whole new ball game.

The questions used to be easy. How high is up? Why is the sky blue? Where do babies come from? How big is God? Now it's stuff like: If divorce is wrong, why are so many people are doing it? Why won't you let me pierce my nose when all the other parents are letting their kids do it? Why does Alice have two Moms and no Dad? Why do the Boy Scouts need a badge in safe sex when none of them are old enough to get married? If God is as great as you say, why is he letting people get away with murder?

I want them to count their blessings, live good lives, and make a positive contribution to society. But the minute they step outside my door, they face confusion, immorality, and negative value systems. How am I supposed to raise positive kids in such a negative world?

Worried in Winnipeg

Dear WW,

If everyone were told the whole truth about child-rearing, human population might decline to zero. On the other hand, it is the most rewarding job you will ever do. Whistle a happy tune as you follow Dr. P's simple steps to successful parenting. Expect the best, but keep the first aid kit handy.

Step ONE:

First of all, STOP WORRYING! That has already been tried by a lot of other parents, and there is no scientific evidence whatsoever that it has any impact on what happens to their kids. If worrying did any good, this world would have become perfect long ago.

Step TWO:

Recite Dr. Ursa's PARENTAL SERENITY PRAYER at least three times a day.

God grant me the serenity to accept that I cannot control what my children think and feel, and have only limited input into what they experience;

the courage to model the behavior that I would like to see;

and the wisdom to intrvene appropriately in their best interest."

Step THREE:

Practise the FOUR-FOLD PATH OF PARENTING SURVIVAL:

1. Stack the deck, but don't try to play your children's game.

2. Be the best YOU you can be, because they will grow up to be a lot like you.

3. Focus on getting your way rather than on winning the arguments.

4. Remember that it's OK not to have all the answers.

Step FOUR: