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Humor: Underwear

by Laurie Miles

Created on: October 21, 2008

Underwear. It is the first thing you put on in the morning and the last thing you take off at night (unless you go commando). It comes in all colors, shapes and sizes, just like we do.

I personally, really like underwear. I like to look at it, touch it and try it on when the store allows. I am not weird. I just like to feel good from the inside out. I work out several days a week at the gym and am quite fond of how my choice of underwear fits me. It needs to be soft, yet hold its shape. It cannot leave any panty lines and must make my butt look great. No woman should settle for less.

I was raised with the rationale that if I ever got in an accident and had to go to the hospital, God forbid my panties should be dirty, ripped or torn in any way. What would the doctors think? I am not making this up.

It was drummed into me at a fairly young age that underwear must be well-kept at all times. You would never want to be found with sub-standard under garments and have to be at the mercy of the paramedics while un-conscious. So, as an adult I find myself shopping for new panties often and I always carry a spare pair in my purse. It only sucks when you pull out your wallet and there is a thong stuck to it. This doesn't happen often though. A purse with lots of pockets solves this problem.

Underwear is sometimes not changed enough. Smelling the crotch of your underwear is seldom necessary. If you have worn it all day or you sweat a lot, wash it. You may not think you stink, but I promise you, things get a little gamey by the end of the day.

Sometimes we run into the dilemma of no clean underwear at all. We forgot to do laundry and are forced to pick from the least offensive.
For these occasions, I highly recommend Fabreze and a prayer.

My mother wears granny panties. I know she's a grandma, but old lady underwear isn't a job requirement. I think she's been wearing it for so long it's become a bad habit. I'm not suggesting she wear a thong, but something that didn't have massive amounts of spandex and nylon and look like the bottom half of a wetsuit would be nice.

My boyfriend wears your basic jockey underwear. He wears black, blue or grey. It's pretty simple and not all that sexy. I am working on fixing that. I figure the best way is to simply go to the store and buy him what I want him to wear.
He said he was willing, so to the mall we will go.

The biggest problem we ladies seem to encounter with our respective underwear is the infamous wedgie.
We like to wear tight jeans

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