by Ken Bradford

Created on: October 20, 2008

Whether it is easier to leave a violent relationship or stay in the violence is a very complex issue that will never be as easily resloved as the question may appear. It is an established fact that most of the domestic violence incidents in this country are directed toward women and this article will focus on that point of view. I will not discuss children here for that makes any violent relationship much more complicated and would require much more discussion.

In researching, studying and attempting to promote pubic awareness of domestic violence, I find that there are basically two areas of focus necessary to bring domestic violence under control. The first area of focus must be education and the second is involvement.

We must learn to answer the question - "Why does she stay?"

A very good reason for a woman to stay is that she fears for her life and possibly the lives of her children. More than likely the violent and abusive partner has threatend to kill her or himself at least once. Her chances of being killed are far greater if she leaves than if she stays.

A woman stays in domestic violence because she feels that the violence is her fault. She has been told over and over again that if she wouldn't do certain things to set him off, he wouldn't be violent toward her. She has heard that so many times, she has begun to believe it and is doing her best to correct those "bad" things, so he will treat her better.

Some women stay in a violent relationship because they have no where else to go and they have no money. Most likely the violent partner controls all of the money, will not allow his partner to hold a job, and will only allow her to have a certain amount of money for necessary items, like groceries.

Some women stay in a violent relationship because their religious beliefs dictate to them that a marriage is sacred and divorce under any circumstances is wrong. When they have spoken to their pastor or another member of their church, they most likely have been told to try harder in being a good wife.

Finally, a woman may stay in a violent relationship because she actually loves the abuser. In the "Cycle of Violence" there is sometimes a calm period, where the abusive partner will be nice and present himself as the person she actually fell in love with in the first place. At this point, the woman may feel that he has changed and just possibly the violence is over, but she is soon to realize that it really isn't. This cycle of violence, then calm continues over and

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