by Bella A. Bowman

Created on: October 20, 2008   Last Updated: October 27, 2008

Even though its been proven to be a chemical imbalanced effect of the cerebral , many suffer from this disorder. Whether it be alcoholism, drug abuse, suicide, hereditary, post-partum, or a mental illness, this is a serious matter that requires medical attention. Depression runs in my family on both sides. I have struggled with this for the last four years and it has definitely been a roller-coaster ride. Perhaps a ride where it mainly goes downward, mentally, not uphill. Anything but the adrenaline rush that excites the meaning of existence. There are times when I feel sad or just plain detestful. Sometimes its hard to wake up in the morning and get out of bed to start my day when I feel like there's no purpose in life to live for. I have spent days in bed feeling sorry for nothing but myself. On particular days I have negative thoughts about the smallest things that probably aren't worth much to those who have the tendency to make a big deal out everything in general. The mental visions of sorrow, pain, and a storm without a rainbow at its end result makes me a zombie. It also makes me lose motivation to grasp onto my future and the dreams that comes with it. The darkness of one's brain usually spark in those whom had it good in life before the wrong choices were made. I'll admit the paths I have chosen in the past are not something I'm proud of; flunking out of college, gaining unnecessary weight, alcoholism, drugs, promiscuity, and lack of faith. There are many more to add to the unfateful list; decisions and illiterate carelessness that have divided my wisdom into stupidity. The hardest part of the choices I made in the past are the comparisons of others that seem to have it much easier. Maybe they're lucky or they've been blessed with the gift of happiness because their lives have treated them gracefully. What I cease to forget is that everyone has struggled in their own ways and senses. I also forget the only reason they've gotten far in life is because they didn't let barriers become an obstacle road-block and they have taken it one step at a time to accomplish their goals, regardless. Either that, they've learned their lessons earlier than most and found a new path to create. I used to be my own super hero and I honestly wonder what happened to the old me. Where has my inner strength gone? Why did I start letting it all go? I would blame it on how unfortunate my soul is and the experiences it has gone through since the day I was born, due to exhaustion

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