by Ken Bradford

Created on: October 20, 2008

The experts tell us that the majority of domestic violence incidents involve men acting violently toward women and actually there are several "excuses" given by the abusive partner for violent behavior in a relationship involving domestic violence.

Some abusive partners blame their violent actions on drugs or alcohol. The abuser must have something or someone to blame for his actions, so why not? The problem here is, how does getting drunk or stoned out of one's mind cause that person to want to beat up on a woman or a child? Why not just go out and find another man to beat and threaten? Also, why aren't all alcoholics and drug addicts violent and abusive toward their partners? The facts are quite clear, all violent men are not alcoholics and all alcoholics don't beat or murder their partners. Men who are alcoholics and commit violent acts toward their partners have two very distinct problems, alcoholism and violence, and each of these conditions must be viewed and treated differently. Alcohol and drugs are "excuses" and not the root problem of domestic violence. It is learned behavior.

Some violent men are constantly accusing their partners of being unfaithful or cheating. In reality, this "excuse" is used to "set up" the victim in the never ending cycle of domestic violence. So, when a woman goes to the grocery store and gets hung up in traffic on the way back home and takes a little longer to get home than her partner expected, the violent partner sees this as an opportune time to display his power and control and begins another violent episode.

Still other violent and abusive men will use any "excuse" for their violent behavior, the dishes aren't washed, the kids aren't dressed, the laundry isn't done, or just anything to justify in their minds the need for violent acts against their partners.

Domestic violence continues to be the most underreported crime in the United States and its tragic affects are felt in every state and in every community. In most states, we have stronger laws protecting animals than we do in protecting women and children in violent relationships. It is time for every American citizen to wake up and see that we have a problem and understand that domestic violence is not just a private matter between a man and a woman. We must all get involved in the fight to stop domestic violence and stop making "excuses" for not doing so.

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