by Carol Itoh

Created on: October 19, 2008   Last Updated: October 23, 2008

No one likes to be nagged or goaded into action by their partner. But when one of the team of two is not listening or observing you may feel out of options. Unless you are fans of the Fridays Night Fights and want to go there on a weekly basis I suggest you set rules for yourselves and post them somewhere in plain view for reference in case things begin to get out of hand. Here's how it works, say you want your husband to take out the garbage, take him by the hand, lead him into the kitchen and in a calm voice say "Honey, the garbage needs to be taken out before bed time tonight. I will not say another word about it." Then walk away first. If he does not take it out immediately say nothing until bed time. Wait and give him the time to see if he will do as you have requested. When he comes to bed ask him if he had done as you had requested of him and if he says no than remind him he is not abiding by the Rules of Agreement. And if by morning the garbage has still not been taken out then, personally, I would not say a word and wait until it over flowed and ran out onto the floor just to make a point. But that's just me.

Hints are vital when in public to communicate with one another. It's just plain gauche to scream at each other over dinner at TGIF's on a Saturday night. So if you feel you must get his attention but talking is not an option simply kick him under the table. Be careful with this one, if you are out with another couple make sure who you're kicking or you could lose friends this way. My husband and I always agree on subtle hints before leaving the house like a nudge, a wink, or a cough. But I have had him to get so caught up in staring at a guest's dress which was cut so low you could see her navel that he'd completely miss my little hint. Hence the hardy kick under the table.

Hints are a form of communication you must share. One gives the hint and the other picks up on the hint. It's a two way interaction and must be carefully choreographed just like a beautiful ballet or a perfectly played ball game. The signals are given and the action is set into motion. This takes synchronicity and timing. You can see this in couples who have been together a long time and she only has to look at her man and he gets up and does it without her having ever said a word. Find a woman like this, follow her around, and take notes. She could save you years of trial and error.

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