by kieryn graham

Created on: October 17, 2008

One word, dude: Don't! Just don't.

Trust me: I'm not talkin' morals, because that's between you and your conscience. I'm purely practical. Dating a married woman, you invest way too much work for way too little reward. Unless you have a death wish that goads and drives you like moth to flame, when you blah-dee a married woman, you take way too much risk for far too little satisfaction.

I know: you're gonna say, "But I love her so much." How romantic. How wrong! If you really loved your married woman, you would respect her enough not to put her in such a compromising position. You're not really nave enough to think that the entire PTA, the entire softball league, and all the women at the nail salon don't know, are you? Sure, your married woman will may pretend she doesn't care, singing an old lyric, "Let's give em something to talk about." But when the PTA President shoots-off her mouth in front of dear little fourth-grade Ashley, who just happens to go to Girl Scouts with your woman's daughter; and when dear little Ashley repeats what mommy said, putting more than a little extra edge on it because she always has hated your woman's daughter, all of a sudden your woman will lose her resolve. You cannot think that you're either more fun or more valuable than her daughter, can you? Never-ever underestimate the power of the sisterhood.

I know: you're gonna say, "But she is in love with me!" Of course, she is. You are her drug of choice; how could she not love you? When she's bored, she takes a good dose of you. When she gets a little depressed, she takes another dose of you. When her boss criticizes her typing, she takes just a little nip of you for a pick-me-up. When her mother calls her a slut, she really needs a good shot of yougotta put the love and romance back in it, you know. And she absolutely, totally, completely, and almost believably can justify, rationalize, explain, and forgive you: she lives in a world so challenging and she endures a life so relentlessly difficult you are the only good thing to which she can look forward. You don't really want me to elaborate the adrenalin and endorphins of it, do you? Just accept that you and tweak work on exactly the same receptors in her central nervous system.

I know: you're gonna say, "But we believe this was destined to be." I like that one, dude; put it in the hands of a higher power so that you don't have to accept any responsibility for this little tryst you're enjoying so much. Do you really mean to tell

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