by Michele Mylan

Created on: October 17, 2008

While packing up my moving boxes with each and every breath, I felt a choke in my throat as I knew that something was going to change in my life. After all, I had become so used to having all I needed myself, what would I do now that a part of me was gone, never to return again. How could I plan ahead, when I wanted to stay safe, even as I heard it clear from the others this was normal, I didn't think so. There was nothing I could do, for fear had taken over me, and my strength dissipated.

Was I delusional, maybe this was just a dream, how could "I" be in this situation? Would I ever again be able to be myself, would I change and become unhappy? Oh the scary thoughts merged in, like a race car on the track, they circled my mind through and through. When did this happen, I didn't plan this at all I said as I tried to regain control. After all, if I could figure out how it happened then I could keep it under control. Control, sweet control how could I have lost you? Fear, fear and fear that is all I seem to feel. I had so many questions, I didn't know what to do. My heart is at stake and I am trying to stay cool. My hopes have been high, and I aspire to be great, but there is always something that seems to get in the way. How can I be sure that everything will be the way it is now, safe and serene.

There really was not much I could do, I thought, you made this situation, at least took half part. I really have wanted this all along. But now the time has come upon me, I feel it's going too fast, I just want to slow down and tally things up. As tomorrow was the day, the first day of the rest of my new life, could I be what I needed to be? Was I capable of playing the part in this new life? What if I wasn't, what if I couldn't, what would I do then? I am single, me just me, why mess it all up and and become "we". Maybe I wasn't right for him, or him for me. How can I be sure we will always be happy?

All of these thoughts hit reality, I am having the jitters on my wedding eve to a man I love dearly with all my heart. I hope I am able to be his star. It all is so scary when you love someone so much, and life is so unexpected. You cannot read the future, but if you don't take the road, you'll never experience the joy of the course through to the end. So the journey on the road of life, I will travel as "We", which will soon turn into 3. A blessing indeed, a baby will be, for we are in love and now that's all I clearly see.

So rain, and snow, or mountains tall as the sky won't keep me from going to the other side as I am not scared anymore. I have grown strong again, as the years have passed, 16 to be exact and now "We" have turned into 6; 4 kids and me and still the one who lights my heart, my true love whom with I'll never part.

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