by Vickie Marcy

Created on: October 16, 2008   Last Updated: December 12, 2009

There is a code among deli workers that few outsiders are aware of; once the slicer's cleaned and the deli is ready to close for the night, the last minute shopper becomes invisible to the deli workers. No amount of rapping on the counter, whistling loudly, snapping of fingers, or just down right rudeness can shake our resolve to get out of there on time! Unless, of course, the manager happens to be in the immediate vicinity, in which case you smile sweetly at the customer as you ask how you can help them. By the time the customer has left, your jaws hurt from clinching them so tight and you settle in for another round of cleaning the slicer. What could a sweet little old lady order or say that could possibly anger anyone so much that they wish a herd of wild elephants will run over her in the store's parking lot?

Having worked the deli during the evening shift, I feel quite qualified to explain what really pushes a deli workers buttons. Starting with number five, which is the least offense to a deli worker, and working down to the number one spot, which is one step away from chasing the customer out of the store with a meat cleaver or some other sharp, stabbing weapon, I'll share what I've learned first hand. A word to the wise; unless you're very physically fit, can leap checkout counters in a single bound and you're not afraid of knife wielding deli worker's, please don't try to use what I'm about to show you. This could be very dangerous to your well being. I do not endorse any of these actions, nor do I take any responsibility for the actions of others who have decided to try to provoke the anger of a deli worker because of what I have written.

5. Customer wants to "see" which ham is the leanest; ordinarily, this isn't a big deal until you're ready to turn off the deli light and leave. Now you have to unwrap each ham and hold it up and out as you strain over the deli counter to show her you only carry lean cuts of meat. After many long minutes of staring at the hams, having you drape over the counter several more times to see the same ham two more times, she shrugs her shoulders and says they all look too fatty for her and walks away. As soon as you overwrap each ham, which is done as you squat down behind the deli counter out of sight of everyone, you toss them back into the deli case and make a frantic dash for the time clock where the manager is waiting for an explanation as to why you're twenty minutes late getting off the clock when you didn't sell

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