by Patricia Parker

Created on: October 15, 2008

Let us now harken back to yesterday. It's 4:30 a.m. The sun is slowly rising on the eastern horizon. The animals in the forest are still contentedly sleeping. The old dog lies quietly by the embers of the dying fire. The cat lazily stretches on the foot of the bed and returns immediately to blissful slumber. Man lies peacefully asleep under a down quilt, the hint of a smile on his relaxed face. The world is a peaceful and serene place. All is well.

Suddenly, the forest deer startle. The birds begin their insistent twittering. The dog emits a low growl and the cat jumps off of the bed hitting her furried head on the door as she exits. Man is awakened from his reveries and reaches out an angry arm. The noise has been stopped. Peace and quiet once again reign throughout the natural world. But within the span of a few minutes, it begins anew. This is the strange and awful sound heralding the beginning of a new day for millions of people around the globe.

"Do not ask for whom the bell tolls ... " Ernest Hemingway hit the snooze button right on the head. The alarm clock was invented so that thousands and thousands of men and women would wake up and clog the expressways. Another nights sleep rudely interrupted by the ringing, squawking, blaring, jarring sounds of the alarm clock. It's no wonder people express dissatisfaction with their daily lives when this is the first thing they hear every morning.

The only thing I can compare it to is the sound of a rusted freight car screeching through my bedroom window. Or the shiver-me-tingle feeling you get when you hear nails being scraped down a chalkboard. It rips through your body, alerts every neuron in your being and startles your brain into immediate action. Jump up, take a shower, put on your clothes, one, two, three, you're it! Of course, it does give you excuses to be late for something, which can be a good thing.

"Sorry, my alarm didn't go off this morning," Or maybe, "Gee, I'm sorry I missed the meeting. I forgot to set the alarm last night."

Our morning routines are set by the ringing of the alarm. If it rings at 5:00 a.m. during the week, it must be time to get up and begin the human rat race. If it rings at 5:00 on a weekend, you might want to consider throwing it at the wall. Don't aim it at the animals, however, they are just as put out as you are.

Ah, alarm clocks. A necessary evil. A bad for the good of mankind. A thorn in the rose of life. An obnoxious reminder that we all live by the clock, that time is precious and waits for no man, or to quote Poor Richard's Almanac, "Plough deep while sluggards sleep and you shall have corn to sell and to keep."

Set that alarm tonight. We don't want any sluggards hanging around.

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