by Nicole Callis

Created on: October 14, 2008

I have been out of tune with the dating world for about four years now. Serious relationships have kept me out of the dating scene for most of those four years. Then, there's always the "kid thing." My son is three, and well, quite honestly, finding someone accepting of that is proving to be far harder than I would have ever imagined. I'm at a point now where, the companionship that kept me occupied for those four years is becoming missed. Sadly, I had to be reminded of this fact this past weekend. Which brings me here, wondering how do you date?

I was never one for going on a string of empty dates with random people. It seems like the few dates I have been on ended up in a relationship. I guess that could be seen as a good and bad thing. Good in the sense that I am capable of maintaining a relationship and that someone has deemed me to be relationship material. Bad in the sense that my dating experience is very limited and that essentially I don't know how to date.

Maybe it's just the typical female vs. male mentality. Women seek something solid to fall back on and guys tend to do everything in their power to avoid having something solid. Or maybe that's just me being judgemental. In general though, it seems like a legitimate point. Women, in general, want to know that they aren't just another tick mark on the guys scorecard. They want to know that they're more important than that, that things have the possibility of progressing to something more. Guys seem to be in a never ending contest amongst themselves about who can have the most tallies. Almost as though, they have a phobia of commitment. I would love to know what guys look for in a women they are willing to set that phobia aside for, and try to have a relationship with.

Granted, I have just stepped foot back into the dating world, but I have this sense of dread that I won't like it. I understand that there is a difference between dating and relationships, but at what point does any sense of exclusivity kick in. I'm an only child, not spoiled by any means, but have never really mastered my sharing skills, so it doesn't sit well with me to know that someone I might be "dating" is also "dating" three other women. Not saying that dating needs to mean the same thing as a relationship, but come on, if you like the person enough, show some sort of respect by only seeing one person at a time.

On top of that, what is a woman to do when she thinks she might like the guy? I don't know about the rest of us out there, but I am entirely too quiet and shy for my own good. So, coming out and blatantly saying that I like someone is near impossible to do if I'm not cetain that the feeling is reciprocated. Then there is another ingredient of confusion to take into consideration: What do you do if you think the guy likes you, at least when you're around, and then things take a 180 degree turn when you aren't around, and it becomes impossible to tell if he does like you? Do you go by the times when you were together as your basis of what is the truth or do you go by how he acts when you aren't around? I'm sure that all of this could be easily remedied by just asking outright.

I guess I will just have to continue getting my feet wet in the dating pool. Getting acquainted with it's innerworkings in order to gain a sense of familiarity with it all. But, it doesn't mean I am happy about it. It seems like it's a never ending game of monopoly, where the guy is the banker we always have to remind to give us our $200 for passing GO.

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