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old. I didn't see either one of them again for nearly two years. I had the usual fantasies every kid has when a parent disappears. I was unhappy with my dad, so I often daydreamed that one day my mom would reappear and take me home with her. It was a dream that never materialized, and thinking back on it I was probably better off in many ways. My mom's drinking, from what she has explained to me, was at an excess to the point where she wouldn't have been able to care for me correctly anyway. I do have to say, although living with my dad was rough, it taught me to stand up for myself, which I had to do on regular basis. His mother frequently called me spoiled and told me how ungrateful I was for them taking me in. I felt like an unwanted pet a good share of my life.

Add to the mix that one of my neighbors molested me when I was about seven years old, a fact that I have still not told my dad. Now I was a confused child, unsure of why something like that happened to me. No one had ever told me that it was wrong, and the person told me he chose me because I was special. I think part of me desperately wanted to feel like that. It only happened the one time, because afterwards I was afraid to go into their house. He never had the opportunity to try it again. Now I know it wasn't my fault and that he was just a sick and perverted person, but still it changed me.

Throughout my teen years, I saw my mom more frequently. Especially after she remarried to a man who at first I thought was a good guy. He worked when he could and seemed to help my mom keep her act together. But alas, that was not the case. When I was 14 he approached me with a sexual suggestion when I was half asleep. The next day I found a letter on my pillow from him pleading with me to accept his apology and to please not tell my mom. She found the letter and asked me about it, but since nothing actually happened she just let it go. Two years later when I was spending a weekend there (sleeping on the couch downstairs as now I would not sleep upstairs where HE was), I was awakened by him touching my leg and attempting to go further up. I sat up, threatened to remove the part of his body he wanted to use on me, and he never touched me again. My sister, however, was not as fortunate. He ended up molesting her. This didn't come out, however, until after this man had left and my mom divorced him.

Meanwhile, at home, my grandmother and I fought almost daily. She accused me of running wild, doing things I was not

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